Pure Belleza | ✔️

(85)

On Friday night, I stand at my bedroom mirror and swipe mascara on. Perfume floats in the air, my hair is down in loose waves and I'm wearing a satin dress that comes to my calves.

It's been almost a week since I spent the night in the clear dome on Roman's ranch. The stars had appeared, we'd laid next to each other and admired the glittering night sky.

Roman was a perfect gentleman of course, we slept next to each other but he kept to his side and I kept to mine. It was a beautiful evening and now, as I get ready for our first date, I feel an excitement building, the anticipation for the unknown is thrilling.

It's been nice at home too, nicer than I expected it to be. Over the week I've spent time with Mills after classes, mom and I have a wine and watch soaps in the living room, dad's brought a herbal tea to my bedroom every morning before he goes to work.

He's at a game tonight, so he couldn't be here to see me off, which he expressed great disappointment in.

He'd been so taken with Roman's traditional approach to dates that he thought it only fair if he were here to do the protective father bit.

So I'm not surprised to see Lucas appear at my doorway while I use a Q tip to get a smudge of mascara off the top of my lid. Figures dad would send Luc in his place.

"What, Luc?" I ask, still looking in the mirror instead of at my brother who I can see has his arms crossed over his chest while he leans on the door frame.

"Mom said you're going on a date."

I'm stumped to hear that he got this information from mom and not dad. I'd decided not to tell him or Milly about tonight, I didn't want them to have the burden of that knowledge when they talk to Flynn so often.

"So?" I say.

"So, what the fuck?" He barks and I look over to find his frustrated glare on me. "You're going on a date with someone else? What about Flynn?"

"What about him?" I bite, not appreciating the sting I feel when I think about the first love of my life. "We aren't together, Luc. I can do what I want."

He walks further into the room, his tall height and angry demeanour making the space feel smaller. "You broke up with Flynn because you wanted to be alone and figure shit out. . . was that even true? I thought you love him?"

"I do love him," I whirl around and shout at my brother. "I'll always love him, Luc. And I meant what I said, I needed time. I needed a clean break and a fresh start. I didn't go looking for a date, but I don't want to pass this up either. Roman is. . . he's sweet. I like him."

"This is why I didn't like the idea of you two dating. Now I have to shoulder my best friend getting over my sister. We used to be a unit. What the fuck are we supposed to do at Christmas time now?"

"First of all," I get in his space, close to smacking him. "You were all for it. You put your signed, sealed, stamp of approval on our relationship. So shut up. Second, he will always be important to me, we can be friends. I don't expect you to take sides. Third, you're dating my best friend!"

"Yeah and I'm not going to break her heart," he says and it hurts more than if he'd slapped me in the face.

Lucas realises what he's said because he steps back, a flinch in his brow but he doesn't take his words back.

"I told him I don't want kids," I murmur, heart racing and thoughts muddled. "I told him that, because I meant it. But I've been wondering, if I just don't want to raise kids the same way we were raised." 

Lucas doesn't respond and I don't look at him to find out what he's thinking because admitting all of this out loud is hard enough. 

"Not that mom and dad were bad parents, they're the best parent's I could have asked for," I say, feeling breathless. "And I would never say this to them, because I don't want them to burden that guilt, but I just don't want that sort of spotlight or pressure on any kids I may have. And before, I didn't think I'd ever have the option to live another way. It never occurred to me that I could raise children in a private, reserved life."