Living as an outsider in her own hometown does not feel weird. Sometimes it does, unless you meet people. The darkness around her, so familiar yet so painful. Even though the case, she wouldn't fight back. She is used to live like this. Like only fish in a pond. The only one who is struggling to juggle storm outside along with her own sanity.
Everything looks lovely and beautiful to her. Children who are ready to go their school, happily waiting for their bus to arrive. Lovely couple in their early 20s, gossiping and giggling in a small cozy cafe. A lady working in the flowershop struggling to pick the best flower to display.
Yet she is empty and lost here. A black ink smudged in well designed colored painting. That is what she feels exactly.
She puts the masks of indifference as she walks by the street to her house. Her house, not her home. She thinks about the home several times. Had to move, since she was a kid, to many different places. Now there is no meaning left for the word 'home'.
The warm sun greets when she reach her room. However, her mind is in different time and zone.
.
.
.
It was midnight. All of the housemates were already in deep slumber, excluding her. She had too much coffee this evening and her mind is running as it's own.
She waits sleep come to her. Counts 1 to 100 backwards, sings every lullaby she knows, she even exerts herself by doing some exercise. Nothing was working for her. She curses under her breath as she has to go to the bathroom for the umpteenth time. Just why did she drink so much, she chants over her head like a parrot.
From the short trip to bathroom she then goes towards the balcony. Suddenly it looks more pleasing to watch from there. The moonlight shining on white marbles and bench nearby. The trees and plants seemed happy, even the moon itself radiated calm and serene waves despite the cold breeze blowing through. She felt peace after so long.
After a while the peaceful space was violated by a mysterious figure. A dark hooded figure standing right behind the bench, behind her. She was more than just shocked. She couldn't believe that he out of all people would stand right infront of her.
The tangled emotions buried within betrayed her even though she was very much determined not to show anything infront.
"I am very much pleased to see you again, my love"
Those dangerous lips moved only to whisper those words.
I miss you
I missed you so much.
"I miss you too, my love. I can't see you crying. Can I hug you?"
I don't know. Do you want me to hug you?
He smiled for the first time in a while. That smile. "I will always want to hug you, Avi. You are my everything, my love"
Stop it with the endearment, will you?
"Speak up, will you?
He chuckled. I forgot what I have been missing till now. His angel voice calming me, forgetting about everything for a moment.
"Stop reading my mind then"
I glare at him while saying the words out loud instead of thinking in my mind.
"I like your voice much better than to read your thoughts"
.
.
.
Returning into the room where she sits on her bed, cursing the sun because it's too sunny and hot for her liking, she just stares at the cloud, street, people, and over all surrounding from her window.
She thinks and thinks. Thinking was one of the best thing she is good at and other is ... Well let's say, she drowns in the pool of her misery every now and then.
After five years of bearing the pain, loosing him again, should she continue to live like there's no hope. Or should she just...give up, on herself and everything.
Just like the heaven above hearing her prayer, a guy with a black cap was standing by the flowershop. Tall, fair complexion, with black trousers with white shirt hugged perfectly to his well built body. His appearance was astoundingly similar to him
She haphazardly closed the window, locked it and covered with the curtains. She don't want to repeat the same mistake that she did seven years ago.
***
