Nothing but an outline.

I talk too much, but too much is not enough

It had now been a week and Joey and Clara started talking regularly after Shane started a group chat with them on Kik. Time started to fly as Clara and Joey began talking everyday all day and night. Clara had never felt so wanted before even if it was only as a friend. She had never talked to someone so much before and didn't know how to act. She would cry herself to sleep most nights and no-one knew, not even Joey. Clara was so scared to share every thought and memory with Joey even though she trusted him with her life. She was in pain night and day it was everyone's fault and noones fault at the same time. She was constantly judged for having piercings. She was picked on for wanting to have ink covering most of her body. "Why do you do that to yourself, Clara?" "Well it's simple, grandma, I like tattoos and piercings. I love rock and metal, and I enjoy the goth style." "Its just a phase, you'll see." "What if it's not a phase, what if it's who I am?" "Then you're throwing away your beauty." Clara slowly disappeared into the other room with only one question on her mind. 'What beauty?' Ever day Clara hurt more and more. She was in love with her best guy friend and watched as he drooled over other woman. She was losing her best friend, Lina, and it scared her because she didn't feel bad. Lina started picking on Clara for talking to Joey and Shane so much. "Clara, you can't even go an hour without your phone!" "So? It's my phone I pay my bill I think as long as I do that I'm allowed to use it." "That's not what I meant! You are always talking to Shane and Joey!" "Honestly, it's not your business who I talk to and for how long, they're my friends so I will talk to them if I want." "We used to be close and used to share everything! Now you won't even let me by your phone!" "These arnt my secrets to tell, Lina. These guys trust me and I don't want to break their trust. If they wanted you to know they would tell you." "They don't talk to me!" "My point exactly." "Wow, so this is what our friendship has become?! You keeping secrets from me?!" "I told you Lina they're not my secrets to tell!" Lina continued to yell, but Clara covered her ears with headphones and turned the music up to full volume.

                               ***

Clara didn't tell Joey everything, but she told him more than she had ever told anyone before. She was opening up the best she could. She didn't want to hold anything back, but to completely open up to someone was scary. To know that a person besides herself knew all of her secrets was hard to imagine. She had opened up to Lina for years, but began closing her off. Lina didn't listen she only reacted. She didn't think she only spoke. Actions speak louder than words and Clara was scared to even talk to Lina anymore. Clara's cousin and uncle were joking about self harm and it brought back memories. Clara's mind had suppressed the memory of her cutting. She used to cut her leg so the marks weren't visible. Clara's mother caught her and threatened to have her locked up for psychotic behavior. Being completely isolated from the world scared her more than anything in the world. So she stopped with no choice. Clara told Joey about her suppressed memories and he sympathized with her and told her it was okay and that she wasn't pathetic for doing it. Joey didn't yell he only asked Clara to promise to never do it again. Clara felt calm and it was time to tell Lina what was wrong. She pulled out her phone and began texting Lina. "Hey I'm finally ready to tell you what's been going on with me. There are so many things you just don't know yet." "Like what?" "Like the fact that I used to cut." There was a long pause and Clara became scared just when she started to calm down again her phone started buzzing. "HOW COULD YOU KEEP THAT FROM ME??? YOU KNOW I CUT AND WE COULD HAVE WENT THROUGH IT TOGETHER!!! WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME BEFORE?!" Clara was shaking and choking back tears that burned the backs of her eyes. "Lina, I'm sorry I had forgotten. That's not something I wanted to remember so my mind suppressed the memory and I didn't remember until just recently!" "HOW DARE YOU WAIT UNTIL NOW TO TELL ME THIS!!! I BET YOU EVEN TOLD JOEY BEFORE ME DIDNT YOU?!" "Yes I told Joey first because I knew he wouldnt yell and I knew I could trust him." "SO NOW YOU DONT TRUST ME?! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BEST FRIENDS AND YOU WENT AND TOLD JOEY FIRST!!! IM DONE I CANT HANDLE THIS ANYMORE IM SICK OF THIS!!!" Clara protested and begged Lina for forgiveness, but Lina wouldn't reply. An hour went by and Clara was too out of energy to even cry. Lina messaged finally and apologized for not asking and not listening. Clara just ignored it and continued to talk to Joey. He understood Clara, they understood eachother because they were so much alike. Clara had grown attached to Joey and even more now that she was losing someone who had been her friend for so long. Someone who was supposed to never give up on her, someone who was supposed to care. Clara needed Joey more than ever and would do anything to keep him in her life, but she could only hope he felt that same way. Joey showed he cared and Clara was doing her best to let him. Even though she trusted him more than anyone she had even known she didn't know how to let him see her completely and it scared her that he wouldn't like what he saw.

                                ***

Time went on and Joey and Clara became best friends she wouldn't trade that boy for the world. He meant so much to her and she hated to make him feel anything less than loved. Even being so close Clara was still fighting herself every step of the way. She was conflicted because not even Lina cared as much as Joey did. Clara didn't know how to act or let herself just be cared for. She would worry that if they talked too much he would grow tired of her. She was scared that if she complained too much he would grow bored. She was terrified that he would get annoyed by her constant sadness. Every time Joey felt bad Clara hated it. She didn't want to bring Joey down to her level especially not when he was having a good day. She would rather just suffer silently and let him be happy than tell him and make him feel bad. Clara was even scared to tell Joey she felt that way because she didn't want him to think she was being ridiculous. The worst part of it all was the fact that Clara knew she was being stupid, but she couldn't change how she felt.