A tale of events.

Blinded by him

When I was 14 I met this boy, lets call him David. Me and David met on this app called Discord, when I first met him something in me sparked. He was so caring and funny I just couldn't stop thinking about him. (Later on in the relationship i found out he was racist and a Nazi larper in no way was I okay with that as I'm African american and whenever he would bring it up I'd get hella uncomfortable idk why i stayed with him after find this out tbh). After two days of me knowing him he found out that I liked him and he told me he kinda liked me too, I should've seen the kinda part as a red flag but I was so enchanted by him I saw past that. Fast forward about two weeks into our relationship I was having doubts because I genuinely felt like I loved him. I couldn't comprehend my feelings for him and it led to a breakdown and me telling him I need a break. David was sad but he understood. After we broke up he started inviting me to old servers of his showing me old messages of him and his ex. It made me feel some type of way cause he spoke so fond of her and they way he described her was just amazing. I felt like I couldn't compare. I cried on the phone with my best friend lets call him Jake. Jake and I have been close for 3 years and I couldn't ask for anyone better. Jake told me everything was going to be okay while I sobbed to him, David kept talking about his exes every time he talked to me, it felt so draining, until one day his ex had come over to spend a few nights with him cause something bad happened to her at her house. I felt bad for her but he would tell me how she kept messing with him telling him she loved him trying to get in bed next to him and more. I was steady on the verge of tears and ended up breaking down to the point I grabbed an exacto knife and almost plunged it into my neck, before I was able to cause harm to myself i pulled it away and yet again broke down. I told him what happened and in anger he kicked her out of his room and she slept on the couch. We eventually got back together and we've been together for 6 months we've seen each other in person 3 times and everyday with him felt like hell. Yes there were good days but all i remember is crying my heart out with no one being able to help me it felt like i was doomed to pain forever. September 29th 2020 was the day I decided to try and take my life again by bleeding out, before that he was ranting to me about how he wanted to kill himself and i was too overwhelmed and attempted myself. My parents were gone on a trip and i was home alone with my older siblings I ended up telling my sister and he ended up calling the police out of fear i was going to die. Thankfully I'm okay..but like i said life only got worse from there being with him felt like emotional torture and it wasn't getting better. He would sometimes choose to talk to other people while i tried to reach out to him for comfort when i was sad. He let hiss friend make disgusting jokes about raping me. He let one of his exes talk shit about me to him. He would sometimes sick his best friend on me talking about how I need to stop dumping my problems onto David and how i was making him feel bad when all i wanted for once was for him to care. After that i stopped confronting him about my feelings. We broke up due to a change in his sexuality I will never forget the things he's done to me but somehow I still keep contact with him.                                        
Should I continue contact with him or keep that behind me?