"The retirement home was warm and musty. It had an aroma of old cheese and death and it made Kaeya's nose wrinkle. That time with Shingles (Kaeya's playful nickname for Zhongli) was well spent, Kaeya didn't win a s(h)ingle match, but it was worth seeing Shingles' smile. He called him that because he once fell off of a roof, and he also had the detrimental skin disease known by the same name. Kaeya reminisced in these memories, Zhongli and Kayela had been doing these early morning bingo matches for 60 years now, that's even longer than Kaeya's been alive, and he'd been alive for about a sixth of that time! Ever since Elon came into Kaeya's life on that shiny Tesla, he had forgotten about all the memories with Zhongli and his phat ass."
"You're saying all of this out loud Kaeya," Male Traveler said. "It's very disturbing."
"Augh I'm sorry coded minor character," Kaeya shot back. "You wouldn't know what it's like to be loved like Senpai Musk loves me, you blonde haired loser(s)."
Female Traveler Traveller went and walked to the nearby lake because she needed to cool off from that sick burn. She needed some aloe from that third degree, hot damn!
"Can I ask?" Said Male Traveler, after pushing Female Traveler into the lake and promptly drowning her right after she had just recovered from her burns. Female Traveler had run out of stamina after sprinting down to the lake, so she couldn't swim, not that she knew how to begin with. That reminds me of an idiot I know, Keyaya thought. That idiot was vaguely penguin and kiwi shaped. Moving on from that thought, he thought fondly of Diluc, who was looking for another job for the fifth time this week. It was Monday. The fool could never hold down an occupation.
"About what?" said Kaeya flipping a coin and simultaneously brandishing his swords at no one.
"Well, it seems like you and Elon have a short running history, what made you drop your family for a guy who flexed his Mars plan on SNL?" Male Traveler asked.
"Money. He gives me my coins to flip. Also cars. Several cars." Kaeya paused for a moment, smiling to himself before continuing.
"I really like all the eyepatches he buys me. Diluc, Zhongli, and Childe never gave me extras, they always gave me new shoes, new clothes, and old money." Kaeya frowned.
"Does Elon know you're a materialistic bastard?" Asked Female Traveler's spirit from the bottom of the lake.
"Senpai Musk knows all." Kaeya said ominously, staring deep into the lake and Male Traveler's eyes, with his one eye. Kaede thought back to his childhood and the first time he had met Senpai Dr. Sir. Mr. Musk Sr.. Cool it! He thought, finally breaking the Male gaze. What's the hurry?
~~~~~~FLASHBACK ~~~~~
Kylie was walking through a world completely devoid of Mondstadt because that's apparently the world this story is in lol. He was [REDACTED] years old and still very young (he was seventeen, which is older than he is now). A large silver Tesla almost ran him over while he was walking through the street.
Kaya screamed like a small dog in shock. His arm grazed against the side of the Tesla. Elon peeked out, looking incredibly worried and stoic all at the same time. He grabbed Keaya forcefully and said, "WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DID YOU HURT MY TESLA????"'
That was the moment Keayat knew he was in love. Elon, this creepy old guy, and Keayaaa, a scary young (citation needed) frat boy. Elon's stoic and robotic nature gripped him in his heart. He had never seen a man more completely devoid of humanity, and it intrigued him immensely.
"Please, call me Mr. Musk," Elon said shiverlingshously chivalrously.
"I didn't say anything—"
"Shut up Kaeya I already know who you are. I've been following you for years trying to hit you with my Tesla." Mr. Musk said seductively while shedding off a layer of skin. *lip bite*
Kaeya felt his heart turn to stone and lava and fire and water and air and earth and the sea and the ocean and his heart and Elon's heart and the universe itself and space and matter and coffee and tea and Britain and Japan and the USA and maybe even the SOVIET UNION and he felt his face turn crimson, just like his heart while being the SOVIET UNION. He had never wanted a Tesla so badly. Maybe he would have to get one, if only to see Mr. Musk again soon.
'Will I ever see you again Mr. Musk?" Keaya asked
"You'll see me again, we're living a simulation, so we're bound to meet again" Elon then pressed a button on his Tesla and his car turned into a horse, almost like a transformer, and rode off into the moonlight with his khakis and loafers. What Kaeya didn't hear, however, was Elon muttering to himself as he rode off, talking about how he had invented the simulation and how he would code it to bring Kaeya back to him, no matter what.
BRING ME INTO YOUR GAMER CAR TUNNEL MR. MUSK 😫, Keayya thought intensely.
~~~~~END OF FLASHBACK~~~~~
"And ever since then, I've been with Senpai Musk ever since." Kaeya looked down at the ground, watching the lake water brush up against his louis vuittons.
"Anyway, Male Traveler, wanna have a fun night(threesome)?"
"Kaeya, you ignorant person(slut)!" Male Traveler said.
"You know it, babe." Kaeya winked, biting his lip like the frat boy, v-neck wearing, slim shady lookin', shoe wearing, knees weak, arm's heavy, vomit on my sweatshirt already, mom's spaghetti-
YOU ARE READING
Kaeya x Elon fanfiction
RomanceKaeya and his family have had a strained marriage life for a few years now, it wasn't until Kaeya met Elon. Watch the tale unfold as Elon and Kaeya's love continues to grow, but how do Diluc and Childe and Zhongli feel about this? read to find out
