I'll remember you

Chapter 5

Alissa awoke suddenly the next morning without any recollection of how or when she had returned to bed. She only knew that the sun was rising over the mountains and peering through the window of Flitiwcks office as McGonagall and Snape escorted Draco to his dormitory, with Theo and Blaise trailing not so far behind.

She must've only got a few hours sleep at best, as her eyes stare up at the canopy until it contorted into strange shapes that danced before her eyes. Her lack of sleep was becoming somewhat normal nowadays to the point where she believes she may have insomnia.

Time had no favours, she hadn't even had a second to enjoy the sun shining through the pane window when her mind was clouded with thoughts from last night. Draco Malfoy was staying at Hogwarts and it was now her duty to make sure he stayed accordingly. Why her? Out of every order member attending Hogwarts McGonagall chooses the one with the closest loyalties to Harry.

She covered her mouth with the back of her hand. The deal between Narcissa Malfoy and the order rests upon her shoulders, her son gets protection and we in return get information on Voldemort. Alissa felt sick to her stomach, this was way too much for her to handle.

What would Harry say if he knew what Alissa had agreed to? Ron? Hermione? They'd understand she had no choice, it's for the better of the Order and she had to do it? Right?

Alissa sat up in bed taking quick but deep breaths in to control her nerves, everything in her body had gone numb at the very thought of seeing Dracos putrid looking smirk stare back at her once more as it had been singed into her mind.

She reached her hand out searching the top of her draws for her wand, her fingers traced the edges of her oil burner, picture frame and tie but no wand. Alissa turned her head towards the draws pulling her eyebrows together when she saw the empty spot where her wand usually lay. She swore she left her wand here last night so where was the bleeding thing?

Her feet dropped to the floor with a soft pat as Alissa stood up, helping her to steady her already shaky balance she grabbed hold of the bed post as the arm of her crumbled pyjama top slid down her arm. Thankfully the other girls had already left for class this morning and weren't currently witnessing Alissas panic attack.

Her whole head spun like a whirlwind tearing through the night, blurring her vision more and more with every step she took along the floor, she felt like she was going to throw up. When was the last time she ate something?
Her breathing was quick and hot, hardly helpful in cooling down her ever-rising body temperature.

It had become increasingly hard to breathe.

Just remember what Harry taught you.

Deep breath in and out.
She was fine. Everything will be okay.
Deep breath in.
It was just all too overwhelming for her.
Deep breath out.
No. She was going to throw up.
Deep breath in.

Fuck.

Alissa dashed across the room, kicking the door to the bathroom open just in time for her to throw up into the toilet.

Straightening the tie fastened tight round her collar was a strange feeling of abnormality, it had been so long since she last went to class it was almost becoming a distant memory. One Alissa wished she didn't have to relive.

But on McGonagalls orders Alissa would have to rejoin her classes and keep up an 'image' so no one would suspect any different. She knew it was utter rubbish, McGonagall didn't trust completely trust her to hold up her end of deal if she was constantly cooped up in her dorm sobbing over Harry, Ron and Hermione. She didn't have any reason to blame her, it must've been over two weeks since Alissa had attended a Dumbledores Army meeting. Ginny and Neville tried every week to persuade her to go since they restarted the group but she hadn't had the energy.