In a way this could be a journal, my diary, my development that I am going through. I am in my 30s and I have learned over the last year and throughout my life so many life lessons but there are no truer words said that a life is well earned when you learn the lessons. You know, I am not sure if someone said that but I know I just did so here we go. Say What Now?
I wish that I could make this up. My friend got strep throat from giving head and making out with a guy she met on a dating website. She has so many stories about her dating life, I wish I could make these stories up. Strep throat. She felt like things were going well. He was messaging her, he was saying all the right things, and she finally felt like okay, I will get out of my PJs and go meet him. Well, dinner went well, and she was invited to his place. She went, had a drink and started kissing. This is when I start to say in my head, "please please, don't have sex with him!" Thank goodness she was on her period. But, she went down on him and then cuddled and he said and did all the right things. She went home, and became sick, strep throat. First off, what an asshole. Might want to call her and let her know, you know, I got strep throat just found out about it. Blah, blah, blah, do the right thing man! But no, ghosted her. Say what now?
Ghosted her!!!! I just can't even understand. Why do we do this ladies? Why do we let men sweet talk us into this? simple, we want connection and men know this. Though I do know women do the same to men. Yet, I have yet to be exposed to this. It has always been men doing this to women.
When can we all be honest with each other? When can we be honest with ourselves? We all want connection and yet we seem to find it all in the wrong places. Yes, I'm aware that stop looking and it will happen. Stop wanting a connection and things will happen, stop trying and it will happen. I am so sick of hearing that. I am so sick of settling for less so I can be treated right but not be happy because it is a boring relationship.
I am so done with the lying and the cheating, and the false masks that are always there.
You know I was "dating" a married man. I didn't know he was married right away. I didn't even know he had kids, two, and super adorable. Let's back track. Of course I wanted to have a connection so I went on a dating website. I knew I shouldn't have. But I did. Oh boy, I know it was a lesson to learn. But DAMN! It was a major lesson I didn't want to learn. I think I am still learning from it over a year later.
I'll call him Asshole. Asshole didn't even have his legal name on the dating app. He had his picture in his car without any type of indicators of who he could be. Granted that is how all of us have been on the dating apps. We always want to put something that we look good but doesn't show who we really are. Least that is how it seems that way.
Well Asshole had sucked me in. Started talking sweet to me, and really got to talk to me. I am not one to talk about myself and I don't open up easily. But I am getting older and wanted to give this a try. I tried to be open and yet again I rushed into getting in the bed. Goodness gracious. The sex was great. First time around it was three hours. Yes, there were breaks but not many. Once again, rushed. Should of tried to find out more about him.
Time went on and I started noticing that his pictures had a sliver of a car seat. I have two nieces, I can see a car seat. I was waiting for him to tell me. Well, he never did, so I finally asked and he finally told me. My goodness, I now see it as him being a guy who is deflecting. So now you don't want to talk to me anymore.
He played the woe is me and I was like, okay. Tell me the whole story. Well his story was that he is living with his wife, but they are separated. She sleeps in her own room and they really are under the same roof to take care of the kids. Huge warning sign. Hine sight is 20 20. Man, I wish I could of just been done right then and there. But I did the whole, okay let's give it a shot. I need to be open. AND Asshole was good at his story.
Well, I am being open and trying new things. And man did that back fire. I was not on my period yet I was getting massive stomach cramps and it honestly felt like I was dying. It was a month later and I was still having these pains. Well a guy at work, who will become important later finally convinced me to go to the doctor. Well I went to urgent care and they couldn't figure it out so they sent me to a Emergency Department.
Side note here: Emergency Department, why in the world did we change this? It is the Emergency Room! The ER not ED, isn't that when guys can't get their dick up and need some drug for it? I digress.
I spent pretty much all day at the Emergency. I found out it was Bacterial Vaginosis. Say What Now?? I have only been with one person at this time. I am defiantly not one to go from dick to dick. So I knew it really wasn't me. IF you are not familiar with what BV is, let me give you a run down. BV, one of the causes is having a partner who is with other people. The bacteria in one vagina is mixing with the dick and then the dick goes to another vagina causing all sorts of issues. It's not fun and it is massively painful. I do not recommend it to anyone.
Well suffice it to say, that guy is not in my life anymore. Obviously there is more to it. But that requires a roommate that was jealous about me dating someone that wasn't him and would do pretty much whatever he could to "protect" me and separate us. Plus didn't help that it was his supervisor at his job. Which when we matched I had no clue to that either.
Why would I keep it from my roommate is a whole other bag of chips that is left to open and gorge on, on another day. But right now we are talking about getting strep throat and BV.
I am aware that truth hurts most times, and that not everyone is attuned to being a decent person. But these Say What Now? moments are just dumb and easily avoided if we were just honest with each other and wanted to live authentic lives.
So this is me, attempting to not have so many Say What Now? moments. I'm learning boundaries, I'm learning that I need to make myself the priority. And lastly, so I don't have so MANY Say What Now? moments. I have so many stories and deep thoughts and revelations about my life and about my friends life. Lastly, what I can do to make myself a better version of myself.
