You Can't Save Me

The Note

The last testiment of Maximum Ride

To the Flock,

By the time you read this letter, I will be only a faded memory.

A corpse on the cold bathroom floor.

It is too late for me now, and I know it.

Even as I write this letter I can feel the life draining out of me.

But I feel it, so that's something, right?

I have been dead for a while now, though you may not have noticed.

I died the night I saw you with her, Fang.

I loved you with everything.

My heart, my body and soul.

I am sorry I wasn't good enough for you.

At least you're happy.

I went numb, and ceased to feel.

Ceased to be.

That was when I first cut.

I just needed to feel something.

After a while it wasn't enough.

I thought if I cut deeper and spilled more of my blood I would at least make me feel alive.

It worked for a while, but in the end it just left me hollower than before.

I tried to keep it together, for the flock, but you know something?

You were right.

You don't need me any more.

None of you do.

I just cause you more pain and suffering than I'm worth.

Because I lied.

I am not Maximum.

Not anymore.

I am nothing without you.

You don't need me.

None of you do.

How can I take care of a flock when I can't take care of myself?

I can't.

Not anymore.

I used to be able to, before this all started.

I just can't remember how anymore.

I sit here and remember the fight we had last night.

I saw the hate and disgust in your eyes when you saw my arms and heard you cries and complaints.

You told me to leave and the words you used cut me more than any blade ever did.

Don't worry.

I am going now.

I feel so tired, my vision is becoming blurred, and I know I must go soon, but wait.

There is some wisdom I still need to depart on you.

The last order I shall give you is the one to do what you want.

I was only trying to protect you all.

I am sorry.

I won't do it again.

Promise.

I was a bad leader.

I know it.

So, do what you want, and maybe you'll see why I was the way I was.

Angel, my baby.

Go off and control people's thoughts until you're as evil and hell bent on domination as the director herself is.

Go invade people's privacy and rip away their freewill.

Go turn everyone into your little puppets and see how it feels to be truly alone, like I was everyday of my life.

Iggy, Gazzy, my brothers.

My Chef Pyro and my little trooper.

Go blow up things.

Go give away your position to any whitecoats or renegade scientist itching to run tests and dissect you.

Go and accidentally kill yourselves or someone you love and see how it feels to be murders.

Like I am.

Nudge, my little sister and motor-mouth.

Go draw attention to yourself.

Go tell every stranger you meet your life story and expose us to the world.

Go get laughed at, screamed at, go get called a freak.

Go get your throat slit and hung on display because for every one to see because you're a monster.

People don't like things that are different.

I learned that the hard way, and tried to shield you from it, but maybe I was wrong to do so.

Fang, congratulations!

You can be fearless leader now, like you so desperately want to be.

Go be the person who four other people depend on for every little thing.

Go be the one who never get's a moment's peace.

Go be the one with the voice telling you to save the world everyday.

Go be the one who always gets blamed when things go bad.

Go lead your family to their immanent deaths.

Then you'll really be alone like you always wanted to be, and whose fault will it be? Not mine, that's for sure.

That's why I'm leaving.

I want out.

I can't take it anymore.

I need a break.

I need to be free.

I loved you all with all my heart.

I hope you're happy together.

All I can say is that I tried.

It was too hard.

Goodbye,

My baby,

My trooper,

My talkative sister,

My pyromaniac brother,

And my best friend, second in command and the only man I have ever loved.

I wish I could see your faces one more time, but it's too late for me.

The darkness is creeping in around me.

Don't cry for me, I was already dead.

I just need you to know that everything I did, I did for you.

All of you.

You can't catch me this time, Fang.

You can't save me.

Signed,

The shell of Maximum Ride.