When I was little, my friend and I used to play this game. And being the very innovative and original kids we were, we decided to call it, "The Game." For the sake of anonymity, let's call my friend N.
We played this game from when we were eight, up until about when we hit age 13, when we realized it was kind of weird. It was a kid's innocence that had sparked our curiosity about each other and our bodies, and all we had wanted to do was explore.
But, one day, we went to health class. And we learned about sexuality.
And all of a sudden, it felt wrong.
At the time it felt unfair. I didn't understand why it was now so awkward between N and I, and our friendship bent and weakened as a result of the whole experience. But ... It was a lesson in normalcy. No one had known anything about me and N. Everyone thought we were two normal kids. Two normal best friends who did everything together. And we were. No one knows about The Game, or at least, not until I've published this chapter.
This is the first time I've ever said anything about The Game. Or N and her involvement in it.
The reason why it got so awkward, and the reason why me and N broke apart, was because we knew that there was something not right about the way we behaved together. We knew. And we knew what society would think. So it broke us.
Even if it acts like a duck, walks like a duck, and society thinks it's a duck, if a chicken KNOWS it's a chicken, nothing else matters. (Cheers for cheesy metaphors).
N was a huge part in making me who I am today. If I hadn't had her, I think I can safely say I probably would have turned out straight and never questioned myself or my sexuality. But she did come into my life, and she did change me, for the better.
And since everything has a beginning, I'll start by saying hello.
Hi, I'm Julie. I'm pansexual.
It's taken me a long time to be able to say that.
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This Is Me
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