we ended like this? dreamnap

<3 dream x sapnap

"Dream," Sapnap says, his breath curling into the darkness, and his heart feels like the ocean.

"Yeah?" Dream asks, and Sapnap thinks he might collapse, fold in on himself and be swallowed by the night.

"Do you ever wonder..." Sapnap trails off, and he doesn't think he has the courage to continue. This was a mistake. He doesn't know what he was thinking.

"Do I ever wonder what?" Dream asks, voice light despite the air so heavy it aches. "I wonder a lot of things," he says, voice dropping, now coated with ash. "I wonder why you brought me out here. I wonder why you're looking at me like that. Are you going to tell me?"

Sapnap's veins twist, his heart throbbing in his teeth and his eyes glassy with frost and fear. "Do you ever wonder what might have happened if you'd never met George?"

Dream sucks in a breath. "Is that what this is about?"

"Didn't you know that already?" Sapnap asks.

"I wasn't sure," Dream says quietly.

It's the middle of winter and the park they're in feels dead and bare, drained of color and bereft of life, but it's theirs, isn't it? Sapnap can feel their memories carved into tree bark, their laughter etched into the dirt.

It all feels so far away, now. How many years has it been since they came here together?

Too many.

Their silence is full, sagging against his chest. Say something, he pleads silently, Tell me you're leaving. Tell me I ruined everything.

Tell me I ruined you.

"Of course I wonder," Dream whispers, and the words slice through the air like swords, and the words are too loud and they ring in his ears like sirens, he wonders he wonders he wonders.

"Do you think..." Sapnap trails off again, because he had torn the words from his body and he finds there aren't any left.

"Maybe," Dream says, and Sapnap finally turns to look at him, but Dream's eyes are glued to the path by their bench, and Sapnap knows Dream can feel him looking, but he keeps his eyes fixed on the path. "But I feel like this isn't the right time for you to ask me that."

"When is the right time, then?" Sapnap asks, but he isn't even sure he wants to hear the answer.

"Two years ago," Dream says. He'd met George two years ago.

"I'm too late," Sapnap says, and the night soaks into his body, dark and endless, and he thinks he could probably cry if he let himself, but he can't, he won't.

"You're too late," Dream echoes, but his voice sounds hollow and Sapnap wonders why, why did he do this? Why did he think he could ever stand a chance against George?

Why didn't he kiss him all those years ago in the car, the morning that Dream had told Sapnap that he was the prettiest boy he'd ever seen? Why didn't he kiss him all those years ago when they'd booked a hotel and there had only been one bed, when Dream had pressed his cold feet against Sapnap's legs and they'd looked at each other too heavy for too long? Why didn't he kiss him all those years in the bar, when they'd both gotten drunk and Dream had pressed kisses to his cheeks, telling him his skin was so soft and that he could do this forever, forever?

"I could have had you," Sapnap says, and suddenly he's overcome with grief. He almost had everything, and he'd turned his head the other way and pretended he couldn't see it.

"You could have had me," Dream echoes, but he sounds miserable.

"I'm sorry," Sapnap says, and he feels a tear spill onto his cheek. "I was so stupid."

"You were," Dream says, "But I have George now. Please, don't cry for me. I'm not someone who deserves to be cried over."

Sapnap brushes the tear away from his face. "I wish I could give you more than my tears."

"Your friendship is enough," Dream says, and his voice is soft and kind and god, he can't take it, how come Dream always knows the right thing to say?

Sapnap starts to cry, and he feels Dream shift closer, feels his hand rubbing his back, and he cries harder, because he doesn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve this at all. After everything, after this, Dream is staying.

He's staying.

They sit like that for a while, in the flickering tangerine lights and the January snow, and when Sapnap finally looks up at Dream he looks fond, aching. His eyelashes are glowing in the light and his cheeks, dusted with freckles, shine pink in the night.

Sapnap stares at him, mesmerised, feeling like his heart might cave in on itself. "Let me kiss you. Please."

Dream opens his mouth, and Sapnap knows he's going to say no, but he interrupts him before he can say anything. "Dream - please. This is the last time I'll ask you. Just once, I promise. Please."

Dream stares at him for a long time, and Sapnap's heart races. After what feels like a decade, Dream nods slowly. "Just once. Closed lips."

"Thank you," Sapnap breathes, and he leans in.

Their lips meet, and for a moment, Sapnap tastes heaven.

And then he shatters. dream's cold hand run up sapnap's spine, as he slowly scratches into the the males back. Sapnap lets put a few wipers of pain.

"d-dream!" sapnap said with a shaky voice