My heart starts pounding, I didn't want to listen to my mum. Again she yells at me saying it is my fault saying I am the cause of this.
"Oh my god, you ARE LITERALLY MAKING THIS WORSE FOE YOURSELF, WHY CANT YOU JUST BE A GOOD CHILD I SHOULD HAVE NEVEE HIVEN BIRTH TO YOU"
Mothers voice was like a monster, I was scared that it would eat me, scared to get thrown out.
"Fine...I'll give you it" I started to feel water in my eyes.
Trying to hold it back I gave her my only freedoms, I gave her the things that I used to cope with the longing feeling of being loved by my family.
As she stormed away I could hear my father yelling, even thought it wasn't toward me I could tell he intended for me to listen
"OH MY GOD I SWEAR IM GONNA SELL THAT BLOODY THING!!!" My father, a man who believes in god had done a sin. The sin to forget that your daughter has emotions to.
I was hoping that he wasn't being serious as they also are things I need to work on, I wouldn't of cared about them if I was an adult but I can't since I'm only in grade 8 and needed to do my assignments.
"That just means I can't get my school work done" I mumbled, I wish I could yell but I knew he would yell at me and threaten me with his belt.
Many times he has told me that
"Don't make me get my belt"
"Don't make me put you in the basement"
I would always be scared, I thought that maybe he was joking so I would talk back but none of those times he did.
They finally left the house, I could hear the car engine start to leave the house. I took a deep breath my hands in ball, I wanted to be angry but I was more hurt.
I thought I could be tough, I thought that if I resist the urge to give them what they want they would understand. Obviously not...
I stood there crying, each tear made me feel more pathetic, more shameless, more weak. I cried so much that it became a river, I could see my reflection.
The once outgoing person has fallen in to dust. Right when I thought that it wouldn't get any worse I got text from one of my friend.
"Hey there, sorry I didn't reply I'm at my cousins place"
He seemed happy
I was going to reply but I decided not to, I already felt bad but he had to make it worse by sending me a video of his cousin.
"It's just s video..." I thought to my self
My finder had already touched the play button, suddenly I saw light and hope. The feeling of being in the dark came as a happy child with his parents appeared.
"A-and then he was like WHOOSH" the little kid said
What seemed to be the father was smiling, his cheeks where high
"Is that so" the father replied
The kid was anonymous to the fact that when he grows older he will just hate him, guilt came to visit me.
"I shouldn't have thought that..." I didn't want to think of anything, the thought of not having a father that loved me was too much for me.
The video stopped playing, the tears still kept coming I couldn't stop now.
My knees bent my shameful face started to act up. The more I thought about me the more I kept going l, I cried and screamed but there was no response. Not even this world wants me.
Defeated I went down stairs, it seemed peaceful the traces of my parents were gone, I cold calm down knowing they will not threaten me again. The pantry door was open it looks like mother forgot to lock it, I quickly went inside to get some food but then a plastic bag rolled onto my feet.
As my hands grabbed it I dropped my food and headed upstairs, I dong have a lock on my door so then I barricaded with my bed.
I hid in the closet
"If I use this then I won't have to worry"
I got my hair tie, with the plant bag on my head I pulled through the hair tie on my neck.
With this I could feel the hot carbon dioxide filling in the bag, I kept breathing and breathing until I stopped.
