My Reasons

K.K.

Oh boy, this is gonna be be a long one.

K.K. This is your chapter.

When I moved here I fell in love with you. It wasn't planned and I didn't plan on falling in love with you but I did. I mean, you never really plan on falling in love with a complete dickhead. I realize that this was something new. I had no clue what was going on but all I knew is that I liked you. I don't know what it was about you, let it be your charming charisma, or just the fact that you can make a whole room light up. There could be many ways that I fell in love with you but in all honesty I can't remember which was the first and which was the last. You meant a lot to me. I hate to say it because it makes me seem incredibly cheesy and dumb, but I imagined a future with you. I imagined us, together, doing simple everyday things and creating a life together. That's how committed I was. I wanted to be with you and for a long time at that. Even though I didn't mean hardly shit to you. That was plainly obvious.

I still loved you, after every fuck up that happened, after all the rumors and everything else, I still loved you. You, however, had your head too deep in your ass to even notice that. I understand, you were probably going through some shit, but fuck that doesn't give you an excuse to act the way that you did. You still act that way, I'll admit not in the ways that you used to. Hell, I don't know if its better or worse.

You say it was because people kept pushing you to date me, or was it really? I seriously doubt that. I'm pretty sure you're saying that because you want me back. You're realizing that you fucked up because I was one of the only people that ever gave two shits about you. Don't try to take advantage of that. You know what? Fuck you. I gave you so many chances and when I even shouldn't have. I should have left like everyone else did. But no I stayed because I thought that you could change. I just proved overtime people do change but sometimes not in the way that are beneficial.

I also hate to admit this, but that one fateful night where we cuddled really meant alot to me. It gave me a false sense of hope, a hope that maybe you did like me, and that I just needed to be a bit more patient. But obviously you knew it would do exactly that and hurt me tenfold. But it means nothing now, just an empty memory.

You broke me in ways that I didn't even know that I could break. I thought S.N. broke me but you just added on to that as well. Especially after I saw you and C.C. falling in love and cuddling. It tore me apart. Not just because it was my best friend and my crush part, but also it was because I realized you didn't truly give a fuck about me. And you confirmed that when you called me. And at that moment you should have known that you fucked up. You should have known that once those words came out of your mouth, the words of, and I quote;

"C.C. matters more than you, you need to suck it up, her mental health means more than yours."

I knew at that moment, you didnt give a single fuck about me. At that moment, I let go. I let go of my feelings for you, and in all honesty, it felt so good to let you go, I felt like I could actually breathe and be myself. I will admit, I was a tad bit lost after that, because you were a huge part in my life, but I got better. I grew stronger.

You were dead to me. You were dead to me for the longest time. And I will admit, it still hard talking to you. But I know I need to for other known reasons. But that doesn't mean I'll forgive you.

You took a big chunk of myself when you said those words, about equally so to S.N.'s. But do you want to know the difference between when she took the chunk and when you took the chunk? The difference was with S.N., I didn't know how to heal or grow or live. I was still naïve. When you took that chunk, it was easier for me to grow and heal as a person, because;

1. I had already done this once before.
2. I knew that I could survive, especially without you.

Back then I felt like I was dying, but luckily I've grown.

I truly don't think that we could ever have a relationship like we used to. Too bad for you, because I am one hella good friend, and I've found myself, and self worth. You lost your chance to jump on the boat. I hope that you have learned to not take advantage of people/things, but sadly I doubt you have.

At first, I hated you for the longest time. And if you know me, I don't use hate lightly. But now its just a strong dislike. You're lucky in a sense, I guess.

I say these words with undoubtful certainty and full meanings and intentions. This is your chapter.

Goodbye, K.D.K. I hope it was worth it.