Away With Him

13 - Country Roads

They say a problem shared is a problem halved. Yeah right. I still felt like total shit after calling Ellie and explaining everything that happened to her. I didn't expect her to magically fix everything but I thought I might feel a little bit better after getting it off my chest. Somehow I actually felt worse afterwards. I think I registered just how real the situation was when I said it out loud.

Originally I wasn't going to call Ellie. She didn't need to hear about my problems. But then I had my phone in my hand and she called me and I just panicked. She did an awesome job of calming my nerves though. That's why she's my best friend. Because she's willing to help me when I'm at my worst. And I would do the same for her.

"Do what you think is right Riley," her words replayed in my head over and over again. The problem was that I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. Was it stupid to leave the boy that I loved thousands of miles away? And leave him with unsupportive parents. That was the thing that kept me awake all of last night. That and the demon in my stomach that came from knowing that I would have to come out to my parents. I just wasn't ready to say those two words to Mom or Dad. Two words. I was scared to death of two little words.

"Hi Mom," I said, failing miserably to hide my sorrowful tone.

"Riley, a-are you okay?" she inquired in a calm but definitely concerned voice.

"I-I'm... I'm coming home," I stammered, wiping my nose in my sleeve. A long silence proceeded and I had to check if the call was still connected. It was. "Mom..."

"Sorry. Yes I'm here. I'm just, surprised. What happened? What's wrong?"

"I'm... I'm g-... getting a flight home this afternoon. I need to tell you in person," I sighed, with occasional tears interrupting my words.

"Alright," she said, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"No," I cried, "I'm not. That's why I'm coming home."

"Oh honey," she choked. I would usually object strongly to any pet names that my mom called me but I didn't have the willpower to even make a joke.

"Can I just... sit here and cry with you?"

"Of course Riley. I'm always here for you. You can stay on the call for as long as you need."

And that's what I did for the next half hour. Cry into my phone. Mom was crying too but she was trying to hide her sobs. We didn't say goodbye, I just hung up when I felt ready. It was weird being so open and vulnerable with my mother. Maybe it was because we were on the phone that I let myself open up. And while it didn't do anything to fix the problem I did feel marginally better.

"Riley," Max's hushed voice drifted through the wall when my sobs had quieted down.

"Mhm," I replied, resting my ear against the hard wall so Max's voice would be louder.

"Don't cry please. I don't want you to be sad."

"It's a bit late for that," I said, "I don't think there's anymore tears left in my eyes." I smiled slightly but cursed myself for doing so. I can't be happy at a time like this.

"You know that saying, 'if you love someone set them free'?"

"Yeah,"

"I think that's what this is. I'm setting you free Riley."

I closed my eyes and thought about Max's words. I could hear his short breaths right behind me. As if he was breathing right into my ears.

"I was wrong," I hummed, "There are still tears left in me." I let out a small laugh to let Max know that I was okay. But a few tears did trickle down my cheek. I made no effort to stop them as they slid down my chin and dropped onto my lap. There was a noticeable wet patch on the right thigh of my sweatpants where my tears had soaked in.