I wish I said it - Larry Stylinson

Prologue

Prologue - I wish I said it

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"Would you mind coming over? Darcy's being a bit restless and she keeps repeating your name, Lou", Harry told Louis through the phone. Louis was silent. Should he go over and make Darcy, Harry's two-year-old daughter, smile and laugh when he tickled her, with the risk his heart would only break more? Or should he make up an excuse, stay at home and feel guilty after? "Lou, you there?" 

Harry's voice shook Louis out of his thoughts. "Yeah, I'm here. I'll be at yours in twenty", Louis responded, his mouth saying what his mind was still over thinking. "Great, thanks a lot Lou!" Harry sounded relieved. Not really strange, Darcy could be a handful when she was bored. Not to mention Rosie, Harry's other daughter, who was now four months old.

The beep of the phone sounded, signalling Harry had hung up. Louis sighed and got up from the sofa, turning off the telly in the process. Guess he didn't really have a choice anymore. Stupid mouth. He did like going over to Harry's, but it always had a downside. After all those years, Louis was still in love with Harry. And Harry was married. To Ariella. And it did not help Ariella was a really nice girl. Pretty too; red curls, big cerulean eyes and freckles.

And caring, so caring. She always asked Louis how he was, or if he needed anything.

Louis wanted to hate Ariella so desperately, but he couldn't. He couldn't hate the love of Harry's life, simply because she made him happy. Louis remembered how Harry had come to his house, completely panicking because Ariella had told him she was pregnant. Louis had to tell him he should be with Ariella, supporting her and loving her and the baby. Louis thinks that was the first day his heart was shattered. Or maybe the first day was when Harry told him he was in love with her.

Yeah, he thinks the latter was the first day. Louis knew he should have told Harry then, but he kept postponing it, hoping for a better moment. Against all odds still hoping there might be a chance Harry loved him back. But here they were, four years later and Louis still hadn't told Harry. He couldn't stand the idea of Harry hating him. The idea of possibly ruining his friendship and godfather ship simply because he loved Harry. 

Louis could still beat himself up day after day, for not telling Harry. How would the present time have looked like when he did tell Harry? Would he be with him, the love of his life, or would Louis be back in Doncaster with his family, recovering from a broken heart? Well, recovering might have been a strong word. He didn't think he would ever be able to recover if Harry rejected him.

Even though Louis knew it was useless to fantasize about how his life could've been, he still despised himself for being a coward.

Not a day goes by without Louis thinking I wish I told you. I wish I said it.

Louis sighed and slipped on his Converse, something he had adopted from Harry. That boy and his addiction to Converse. But he couldn't deny it: he loved every bit of Harry. From the chocolate brown curls (which weren't really curls anymore, but nowadays wavy strands of hair), to the emerald eyes, dimples, cheeky grin (which hadn't changed at all over the years) and big hands.

Yes, Louis was definitely still in love with Harry.

Louis slammed the front door closed behind him and locked it, before stepping in his car and driving to Harry's place. Luckily it was only a ten minute drive away from his own apartment. Harry joked about it when he bought it, but there was a core of honesty to it. He had said, and Louis remembered it like it was yesterday, "I can't be too far away from my boyfriend, now could I?" Of course the boyfriend part wasn't true - oh how Louis wished - but he knew he was Harry's best mate.