Philophobia || Dreamnotfound

23

TW - dark topics for the next two chapters, I don't wanna spoil anything so I won't say any more. If you are sensitive to these types of things, please don't read. Put yourself first, ily and stay safe <3

George's POV

George left the ballroom, tears silently sliding down his face. He paused outside the door, turning around to catch one last glimpse.

He saw Clay dancing with Fundy and his heart ached. Clay was clearly unhappy, a frown on his face as he looked around the ballroom desperately. His eyes skipped up to George and didn't leave. George inhaled shakily, holding their eye contact for longer than he should've before leaving.

Cool night air greeted his face, attempting to dry his tears. George used his sleeve to wipe away his tears and he walked out into the night, roaming around the castle grounds.

He could feel the thing in his mind, writhing in the back and unhappy. It wanted George to win, wanted the power, but George didn't win. He lost... he lost everything.

The reason that got George excited to wake up in the morning, that took him on late night adventures, that helped him make friends. The reason that helped him love.

What was he supposed to do now? They say to follow your heart, but if your heart is in a million pieces, which part do you follow? George had only ever wanted Clay and he fucked everything up. It was his own fault for his heartbreak.

Even at the mere thought of Clay, George's heart panged. Everything hurt. His eyes were dry and swollen, his thoughts were scattered, his chest was tight. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, hiding how they shook.

"George!" a voice called out.

George tensed, not turning around as he replied stiffly, "If you're here to rub it in, I'd prefer it if you didn't."

"Why would I want to do that?" Sapnap asked quietly.

George's shoulders eased their tension and he slowly turned around. Sapnap was armored up, supposed to be guarding for the dance. His face was sad as he approached George.

"Don't you have a shift?"

Sapnap shrugged. "It can wait. I wanted to talk with you."

"Why?"

"I... I'm sorry. I've always hated the idea of a tournament and having to watch someone go through it is incredibly painful. I hate how it turned out."

George sighed softly, "That isn't going to change anything."

"I know, I know," Sapnap mumbled, "but I thought you might want to talk to someone."

"Thank you."

They sat on a bench in the courtyard where George had ended up. Sapnap's armor shuffled around as he sat, accompanied by George's sniffles. It was quiet for a long moment before Sapnap cleared his throat.

"So... I don't really know what to say," Sapnap muttered.

George didn't reply, instead he tilted his head up and looked at the night sky.

Sapnap said quietly, "Clay really does love you."

"Stop," George said, closing his eyes, "I don't want to talk about that."

"Oh... sorry."

George took a deep breath, pushing back the threat of tears at his name.

"I- I just, what's the point?" George asked with a long sigh.

"What's the point of what?"

"Anything... everything," George whispered, opening his eyes as a tear slid down his cheek. He didn't look at Sapnap as he added, "I've never felt so... broken. I want him, but I can't have him, so what's the point?"