Puzzled Mind(HSS 1)

Prologue

HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS 1

Prologue

My mind is puzzled intricately.

I'm puzzled by these questions still left unanswered and unsolved, as if it's a route in a labyrinth. My perplexity and confusion because of these questions were already reaching my limitation, and I couldn't take my emotion any more. I stopped reading the thick book because my focus went to somewhere forbidden, sighed and stood up to enter our school.

Why do a lot of people thought I'm the epitome of perfection; a perfect daughter and a perfect student? Why do they assumed I'm a fearless student with overflowing confident and unreachable knowledge in class?

I admit, I grew up accepting different praises, favorable judgments, sugar-coated compliments, sweet words of admirations, and so on, from my peers. And, I must say, hearing all those exaggerated opinions almost in my whole existence is tiresome and annoying. Nakakapagod at nakakainis pakinggan 'yong mga magandang katagang may halo naman pala ng pagsisinungaling at pagkukunwari. Praised me in my front, but criticized me in my back. Pretentious individuals, not worth it for my time. Napailing ako.

"Ang perpekto niya talaga. Ang ganda, ang talino, ang yaman, ang daming talento. Nakakainggit," it's a clear whisper from my side, from my schoolmate specifically. I responded it with a piercing look, reason why she looked away, as if my gaze emits sharp daggers.

"Sshhh... She's coming to our direction," my eyebrows furrowed.

Ang kaninang magulong kapaligiran ay unti-unting tumahimik at nagkaroon ng kapayapaan. Ang kaninang mga estudyanteng nagkukumpulan at nakaharang sa corridor na aking dinadaanan ay mabilis na nagkapira-piraso at nagtungo sa iba't-ibang direksiyon.

"Apakan mo ako sa leeg, miss President, promise ako pa ang magsosorry," sigaw ng kababata ko na nakangiti sa'kin. I smiled at her a little.

"Gosh, I really envy her beauty. She's really perfect," mas lalong tumaas ang kilay ko.

I'm not perfect, I know it. No one is perfect, you don't know it. Like you, like them, I have flaws and imperfections, uncured scars, uncontrollable fears, silent battles, and unending problems and miseries.

Like you, I can commit mistakes and sins. I can create wrong actions and decisions. I can feel sadness and pain. I can regret something. I can suffer and already suffered because of school's pressure and high peers' expectations.

Like you, and like the other students here in Bantayan Northern Institute, I'm afraid of failures and disappointments...

"I'm so disappointed to you, Alexa. You ruined our trust. Because of what you've done, you only brought our family to shame. You are really a failure. So, don't expect us to be proud of you, because we will never be."

I'm still walking in the hallway, moving in the reality, yet my mind is venturing somewhere far away and heart is aching because of scenarios that happened already. Mind is still exploring my past tragically. Filling the space with his words continuously, and keep on hurting inside untcontrollably.

"Miss President, date tayo mamaya sa labas ng school," the boy's voice woke me up from overthinking.

Tinapunan ko ng masamang tingin ang sumigaw, pero nginisihan at kinindatan lamang ako nito. I remained my strict face, eyes still throwing cold stares to everyone's eyes I've met.

Ang ibang nadapuan ng aking mga titig ay umiwas ng tingin, ang iba'y ngumiti't ngumisi, ang iba'y tumango, ang iba'y nandilat ng mata, pero ang iba'y nanatiling walang reaksiyon, pero may isang lalaki ang umagaw sa pansin ko. Katabi ng lalaking sumigaw. They're standing near the classroom's door, leaning their back against the wall. Ang binata'y nakangisi ng pagkaloloko nang siguro'y napansin niyang nakatitig ako sa kanya.