"Sh-Sherlock. You're-But-Mor-iarty...I-" He kept rumbling on and on, his arms wrapped weakly around me. "John. Shhhhh, you're okay. I'm okay." He lifted his head slowly, looking up at me with red under his eyes and his nose sung pink, sniffling. "I mi-ssed you." He said, laying his head back down on my chest. I took him by the shoulders, making him stand up. He looked up at me with confusion, and I brought my hand to his face, wiping away some stray tears. "I missed you, too." I said softly, bringing him back to me.
We stood like that for a long time, just in silence. John stepped back now, straightening his sweater with shaking hands. "Uhm-" He started, his voice faint and cracking. He sniffled again, wiping a tear away. He looked at me now, just looking at me. I looked at him, trying to wipe away a tear unnoticed. "Sit down, John." I instructed, going to the kitchen. He gave me a confused look, still in shock. "Tea." I said. Inwardly, I was a mess. I was panicking, afraid if anyone else found out I wasn't actually dead. I had just seen John, so of course I was shaking too. I had to explain everything to him, and I didn't know what to say first.
He sat on his couch, rubbing his temple. "I-I can't believe you're-" He looked at me again, sighing and looked back down. "Alive." I finished, bringing my knees to my chest. "Allow me to explain-First I would like you to know that you cannot tell this to anyone. No one can know I'm alive or Moriarty will have his men-Just don't ever tell a soul." I sighed, trying to collect my thoughts.
"Moriarty is dead." John said, confused, sniffling. I shook my head, frowning. "He can't be. He's got too many tricks up his sleeve. I know he's out there just as I am now." John looked confused, but I ignored it. "I had to jump to save you. If I didn't jump, Moriarty would have his me sh-" I stopped, sighing as I rubbed at my temple in frustration. John waited patiently. "He would have his men kill you, Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson. Everyone I lo-Cherish."
John frowned, "What do you do all day? Just hide away from the world." I nodded, seeing sadness spark in his eyes. "I shouldn't even be here, it's far too dangerous, Moriarty has eyes all over London. It would be safer if I left London completely, but I can't do that." I said, frustration strong in my tone. John frowned, "Why not?" I looked up to him now, place my hands together and resting my chin. I observed him. He had dark bags under his eyes, he seemed to have lost weight, his hair was a mess and his eyes stung red.
"I'm not leaving London." I said finally without a doubt. "I can't just leave you all here-If Moriarty ever tried something-"
"Would he hurt Mrs.Hudson?" Silence.
"Would he hurt me?" He asked quietly. I didn't want to say it, I wanted him to be safe, to feel safe-But no matter how safe he was, he was never safe enough. "No one is safe with Moriarty being....Moriarty." I said simply, rocking nervously in my chair. John just stared at me for a moment, a smile showing on his lips. "What?" I asked, bouncing my knee nervously. He shook his head, not replying. I sighed, "I stay in the lab." I said finally, watching John.
"All day?" He asked, I nodded. "I visit your blog." I said out of randomness. He looked confused, "I haven't been on my own blog for...months." I nodded, "I know. I have to be careful and make sure my name doesn't show up on the visitor count." I said, annoyed. It was a hassle.
"You go through trouble just to see my blog?" He asked, smiling now. I frowned, no way to get out of this one. "Okay, I have a heart. Get over it." I mumbled, seeing him laugh now. Oh, that laugh. I missed it. I never realized how much I truly missed John until now. I knew I missed him terribly, but now I knew. The way he bounced his leg, held his cane, licked his lips, rolled his eyes, laughed, cried, smiled. I missed it all so badly.
He must have been thinking too, for his face was in concentration and he was just staring at me. I coughed-Breaking the silence to draw his attention. "So-The lab?" He asked, shifting nervously. "Yes." He frowned, "When can you ever leave it?" I shrugged, "When the rest of the facility closes for the night." His frown deepened, "Lonely." I said aloud, knowing he felt the same.
More silence. "We can't tell Mrs.Hudson?" I asked. Sherlock closed his eyes, frowning. "No. Not now, maybe another time. I don't know, these things are hard to decide, John. I knew I had to tell you-" I frowned, my breath still uneven. He's alive. "Where you not going to tell me?" I asked, shuttering at the thought. What if he never told me? "I knew I was going to-I just didn't know when." Suddenly, it hit me.
"You...You were there. In your bedroom...Last night," He nodded and I felt my face flush. "You were right next to me?" I asked, slowly. I can't believe I didn't bloody know!
He nodded, I frowned. "I just-This whole thing just-I need to calm my nerves. I-You. You're alive and-I just." I sighed, taking a sip of my tea. "Drink your tear, John. It calms your nerves." John. I never in a million years thought i'd hear Sherlock say my name, and here he is in our bloody flat sitting in that damned chair as if nothing happened.
"Did you visit..every night?" I asked, shifting in my chair, taking a sip of my tea. Sherlock nodded again, "Every night." I sorted out my thoughts, "Can you still..Come every night?" I asked, trying not to sound too touchy. A faint smile showed on his lips, "I suppose. It would be the safest way to see you." I nodded, trying to replay this all in my head. I closed my eyes, sighing. I have a headache.
"I should go." He said suddenly, causing me to open my eyes. "It's not safe here in daylight." He said, getting up from his chair. I stood up slowly, setting my tea aside. "See you tonight?" It felt so weird asking this-Talking to Sherlock. I'm talking to a man that jumped off a building and was pronounced dead. "I'll be here. 2:00 A.M." I frowned, but accepted. "Sherlock." I said, causing him to stop mid walk and turn to me. "Be careful." I said quietly. He nodded, staring at me for a moment, observing me. I could feel his eyes trail down my body and I shifted uncomfortably. He then nodded, then left. Just like that. Just like that, Sherlock bloody Holmes is alive. He's alive." I brought my hand to my chest, clumsily walking back to my seat before I saw down.
"He's alive." I told myself over and over.
Sherlock Holmes is alive.
