To Walk, and to Never Stop

It is unknowable: the motivator that keeps me stumbling along life's path no matter how dark it becomes. It is unexplainable: the reason I have not taken my own life by now. It is in my very soul: the terminal need to destroy myself. A sickness festering inside my heart; one that makes it cold. Like an icicle sheathed under my breast.

Some would say it was God's love that kept me alive — even if I did not acknowledge it. I do not believe; I do not have faith. God has no place nor presence in my life. I believe he is a delusion smarter people created to encourage the poor of mind to love themselves.

I know who it is though. I know whose unidentified silhouette is ahead of me on Life's Path, pulling me along behind them. Forcing me to keep going, to keep my stumbling feet from stopping forever.

It is the me I will be in the future. They are leading me to a life I could attain if I live another few decades. I cannot know their face and I cannot their circumstances until I walk in their shoes. They do not promise me happiness nor a good life. They promise the unknown. A death in and of itself.

So, either way, I feel as though I am committing suicide. But this type is painfully slow, and this person I am now may not make it to the end.