Rain

4

Chapter 4:
!TW! Talk of self harm, vomiting, panic attacks

Great. Leave it up to nick to lighten any mood. He had that with him. Its as if god mixed the biggest Chad with the biggest nerd. Theres nick. He smoked a bit, but not very often, he knew it was bad for him. He was responsible with everything but his words. He could say whatever he had on his mind and people nowadays would let it go, because, well, nick. It's what he did. It's what I found so comical about him though, why they became friends. A very talkative guy with a very much mute kid. What do you get? The best friendship for miles of this damn town. I looked down at him and gave him a weak smile as if to tell him to continue so to get them out of the situation.

"So, uh, do take psychology, cause I see a lot uh tension. Yeah."

Nick did various hand movements in the midst of saying that. He was clearly trying his best tactic of looking weird until the person looses interest and leaves.

I tried to suppress my giggle. Not at the joke, per say, but rather that nick had the balls to make the joke, if you can even call it that.

The boy across, george, just looked at him with awe as if trying to understand what the fuck was going on. I dont blame him. For any of it actually. He must have terrible parents the poor kid, going to drugs, being told to go away, wish I could help him, so this doesnt have to keep happening to him.

Stop your mad at him.
But am i?
Of course.
I mean...

I lift my notebook from the hand it's been sitting in for the last few minutes and write something on it then show george it.

-dont stress, I don't understand how it happened, but I understand why, I'm gonna go to class now. -

As he looked at the boy read the note slightly puzzled, he looked as though he had a wave of relief fall across him. He was still tense and slightly shaking but it looked more controlled.

"Oh, and uh George, hes Dream, hes mute that why he wrote on the notebook."

Sapnap added to clear some of the confusion growing on the kids face.

His pretty face.
Stop.
What the fuck nope.

I grabbed the notebook from his hand and waved goodbye to him and walked down the hall way with nick to geography, even though the class was the other way.

~

Fjqkbdksbdnxwhatjusthappened
^
|
That is what george was thinking when nick and dream walked away. A million things flooded into his already overwhelmed brain as he watched them walk to the corner of the hall.

As soon as they turned the corner, he bolted to the nearest door trying desperately not to cry. He didnt have to cry. The boy, dream, forgave him. How can someone forgive you if you didnt even apologised?

Fuck I didn't even say sorry.

He didnt say anything after telling them what happened. He stood there looking at the walls, ceiling, floor, anywhere but their faces, distracting himself.

Why didnt you just lie you idiot that could have been avoided dumb dumb dumb dumb

As he raced through the field across from that dreaded prison they call school he had one place in mind. And a mind that was running at a million miles per second. Fuck he didnt know that was even possible for him.

Then he saw it. The tree.

Right there. That was the tree that was right inbetween his middle school and his high school. He had run to that tree so often since the day he found it in 6th grade. He was mesmerized, captured by the tree. He didnt know why, but it almost called to him, as if saying,

Come and wait.

He wasnt sure about the wait part be he sure did go. Almost everyday. It was his safe place. He would go and make a carving on the tree every time he went.

But he had other plans this time.

As he made it to the trunk of the tree he frantically searched it, looking for the one thing that calmed him down. It didnt make it better, but he felt like it did. Whenever he needed it would be hidden behind a loosened peice of bark on the tree, he left it there years ago, just in case.

He looked all around the tree starting to panic now.

Where was it?

What if someone stole it?
What if a critter took it?
What if the school found it?
What would he do?
He needs to relieve this
He needs to calm.

The blade was nowhere to be found.

He fell to the ground shaking and heart beating 1000 times faster than before. He could feel his eyes fogging up, he didnt want to let the tears fall.

You shouldn't be panicking right now. There is no reason. You are weak. You just want a reason to cry. Dumbass. You deserve pain. You deserve to be hated. Shut up you baby.

Suddenly he felt his heart stop, he couldnt breath, he couldnt do anything, all he had, was trembling thoughts of death and fear of what was in store.

His vision started to clear, he let the tears fall he just wanted to leave, he wanted to be gone, from everything.

Then he vomited, terribly. There was barely anything in his stomach, but it seemed like there was so much. He just looked at it In Disgust.

"I did that. I'm a fucking loser. I'm sorry tree."

He said, barley able to move. He could feel his panic subsiding but he still didnt know what to do about the blade. He let it go. He got up and went to the side of the tree that faced the middle school. He missed it. No he didnt. It was hell there too.

George was used to panic attacks. And vomiting. What he wasnt used to was not having a outlet to help him get back put track. He usually would hurt himself. Cut after cut, each making him feel better about himself. But he had nothing now. He felt empty. Lost. Drifting out at see, no thing in sight but his own failure. He hated himself. So much.

But in you worst moment, then enters the one to help you reach your best.
And he seems to be walking up to that very tree.

Cliff hanger o-O hope you al enjoyed this one I didnt I cried while writing this, if you are struggling with any of the things I mention in this book, or more, please know I'm always open to talk you all deserve love and life, trust me. It will get better. Go drink some water, have a snack, and take you meds. Take nap if you need it <3 ily all to the bottom of my heart.