So this isnt going to be some mushy romance story, its going to me my story. My problems, my adventures, etc. Im not writting this to get sympathy, mostly because my problems arent as bad as other peoples problems. Im not sure how many reads this will get but I really dont care. If you are reading this then thank you.
Well then this is just to give you some background information about myself. My name is Sarah, Im 15 and hardly have any friends. Well I do have friends but it doesnt really feel like it. I dont have a tragic backstory like most people do. I have a house, a family, and my parents are together. So why complain right? I have it easy compared to most people.
The reason Im writting this is because i just need to let everything out. My problems started in 4th grade. I grew up with 2 brothers so I'm kinda on the semi tomboyish side. In 4th grade i prefered video games not Barbies, I like to wrestle not play house, i like rock bands not boy bands. Due to the things I liked I would get picked on by girls. Keep in mind I was only in 4th grade, I was only a kid. I used to take my Pokemon cards to school and play with the boys, because of this 4th grade girls called me a whore. I didnt really know what that meant but it still hurt. I was known as the tough one who didnt give a shit but comments like that still hurt. This continued until 6th grade. In 6th grade i would constantly find my 'bestfriends' talking about me, saying very rude things. From 7th-9th grade I was a total bitch to people who didnt like me. I didnt take anybodys shit.
Well now Im in my 2nd semester of 10th grade. Im still the same rock, video game, loving girl. I hang out with some girls but I dont really fit in with them. I talk to some guys to. The things is that all these people think I am the happiest person ever. If I go to school one day and Im not acting happy people automatically assume somethings wrong. They just dont know that Ive been pretending to be happy for a very long time.
Why am i pretending? Well you see I believe that my mother doesnt like the way I am. She wanted a daughter that loves to wear dresses and loves to do girly things But im the complete opposite of that. See currently shes in her room with my dad probably talking about anything that i might have done or said to her today that she didnt like. Little do they know is that their daughter is depressed.
My mom is probaly the main reason that I hate myself. Whenever I dont like something she wants me to wear she calls me ugly. Whenever I do something wrong she calls me stupid. How can an honors student be stupid? Ive been an honors student my whole life and her nor my dad have said anything about it. My brothers are both way older than me and they never got good grades and have not attended a real college. I try to make them proud by getting good grades and making plans to go to a good University. But they dont seem to give to shits about anything i do to please them they only see the mistakes i make.
Earlier my mom got mad at me for no particular reason. If shes mad at my brother she takes it out on me. I dont mean that she hits me or anything. She just yells and yells and yells while I stay quiet and just take all the negative things she says to me. Afterward I went to the bathroom and had the urge to cut. You see I never really cut, well not my wrists. I cut on my arms to make them look like skateboarding accidents. Oh and I have also attempted on commiting suicide and have cried my self to sleep everyday for about 2 years? Well anyway so I went into the bathroom and had scissors in my hand. I was crying, then I looked up in the mirror. I absolutely hated what I saw. I put the scissors down and just sat on the floor and cried. I have no one to talk to at all. everyone would just judge me and say that there are people with bigger issues. I understand that there are but that doesnt make my problems go away.
Now im just sitting here, writting my problems into a story website that no body would probably read. This is kind of random but im looking at the title and though i might explain it. Well everything I explained up there leave mental and sometimes pyshical scars. As for the shooting stars part, Ive seen a 2 shooting stars. The 1st one I wished that everything would get better not just for me but for everyone. The 2nd one I wished that I could become an actor so I could just pretend to be someone else for a while. Someone that people are proud of, someone that people love. Sounds cheesy I know but its the truth.
Heres just a list of things i like to give you more info about me i guess:
- DeeFizzy (Youtuber) : He is amazing and he has been depressed and is just so positvie about everything and hes not bad looking...
-Sleeping With Sirens
-Pierce the veil
-Danisnotonfire & Amazingphil (also youtubers)
-slipknot
-system of a down
-Red hot chili peppers
-Metallica
-Iron Maiden
-One Direction (Completely different than the bands up there I know)
-The beatles
-sublime
-Video games
-Horror movies
-Skateboarding
-Tumblr
and a lot of shit and now im thinking that that list was pointless but its already there so whatever. So um yeah if you did read this the thank you. If you have any problems similar or different it doesnt matter comment or message them to me and Ill give you the best advice that I can I guess. I dont know I just like helping people out. So yeah, see you next time I guess?
