Homecoming

Chapter 7

I slept for the first time in weeks the night after securing the house. I was so excited I slept on a huge pallet of blankets and stared at the moonlight shining in through the window against my apartment's pale white walls. There was a full moon and I rolled over before I closed my eyes and more of Jason behind my lids. I didn't toss and turn to these memories.

Jason sat across from me with a hand on my leg. He took my hands in his and kissed the back of mine. I had felt my face get so hot and it only embarrassed me more. I had always felt like I had snagged the most handsome man on the planet. I just hadn't been worthy enough of him. His eyes stared into mine and I saw the old looks of fondness before it had been replaced with hatred. Before his eyes avoided me and his words were short and hurried. We had moments that were so euphoric, we were at our best. Where we attended church and people invited us to pool parties and cook outs.

As the moon set and the sun came out, my eyes had fluttered open before Jason kissed my mouth. I touch my mouth and sit up in a flushed hurry. I pinched my wrist and felt the sharp, quick pain before taking a deep breath and patting my cheek. A kick blows to my right side and I place my hand on the assaulted area. I chuckled at the quick distraction and looked down, admiring my round stomach in the mirror. A ping of sadness ached low in my chest and I choked back sudden tears as I realized the second set of hands feeling them wasn't there anymore.

"I'm sorry, little one. I promise I'll do my best." I said to my stomach before wiping my tears away.

∞

I had looked across at Jason when I first confronted him about cheating. His phone had pinged for the fourth time and I had handed him his phone. He had snatched it suddenly and walked away as he read whatever was on his screen.

"I am going out." He said, adjusting the cuffs of his shirt.

I stared at him in disbelief, "We aren't going to talk about why this isn't okay?"

He stared at me with blank eyes, "What're you goin' on about, Jules."

"I mean the girls you are texting." I said firmly, eyes never leaving his as his flickered towards the floor.

The air was thick as custard and I could smell the sweet thickness of the lies I had been lying to myself about for weeks. I was doing everything to be the best woman for him and he had been forgetful and absent. More than half the week I went to sleep alone and woke up with the bed still made beside me. I was overloading myself with false promises and as they overspilled, I stared at Jason with dart like eyes. I wanted him to look at me. I wanted to see his eyes when he lied to me.

"Look at me and say it." I demanded through gritted teeth.

He shuffled backwards and huffed as he slipped on his over coat. I took a step forward in a panicked rush and he looked up at me as I did. His eyes were different the first time this day. They were still blank but demanding. He put his hands up and caught me as I stumbled into him and squeaked in bitter fear. He steadied me and his eyes locked with mine as I calmed my breath. We said nothing for more than five minutes and as our breathing steadied, he released my arms and took a step backwards.

"Don't do this, Jason." I said with last ditch desperation in my voice.

He didn't stop as I begged and walked out of the door, it swinging closed behind him with a loud thud. I jumped to the noise and then had fallen to the ground. This was two months before we had gotten pregnant. When he came home, he got to sleep in bed alone. I had taken up the floor in the guest bedroom. It wasn't comfy, but it was quiet. I didn't say anything to him in the hallway and at dinner, I served only myself. I had become distanced from him, but he didn't seem to mind until I tried to last ditch effort my family would have gone to in their own marriages.

"We should go to counseling." I said as I passed him in the hallway. I didn't stop, but I heard the audible inhale and stop of Jason.

We had dived into it with a goal in mind while the counselor set out firm boundaries and rules for us to follow. I hadn't told Ma what was going on yet, because if this would be a success, I wouldn't need to bother bringing it up. That helped the counseling go by quicker and then one night by a drunken accident, we bumped into each other in the hallway and ignited a flame that hadn't been active since high school. Henceforth my daughter was conceived.

I shook my head as I came to a dazed awakening once more on my new couch. I looked around and noticed how the walls vibrated the silence back and forth. A firm rapping came to the door and I jumped up in a hurry as I flung the door open in confusion. Fynn stood there with a grin and a bag of take out. The foods smell wafted up to my nose and a loud growl was heard from my stomach in the silence between us.

I cleared my throat and patted my stomach, "Good timing, I suppose."

Fynn chuckled at me and walked in the house, setting the bag of food on the table where I immediately dug into it and separated out our orders. I felt a little bad at how often he paid for the food, but he had insisted he come over and help me as I unpacked and had new furniture delivered. Since no one besides Fynn answered my phone calls, and Fynn was usually working during the week, I was left to move this furniture by myself. I mostly spent that time staring at walls and letting dense memories move through my mind. At least if I was watching how it all unfolded in my head, I didn't have to focus on the words people were saying outside.

"You've been doing it again." Fynn said sternly, eyeing me.

I cleared my throat and looked at my noodles, "No idea what you mean."

"You've been daydreaming again." He said as his tone reacher a higher, more playful pitch.

I pursed my lips and then chuckled, "I'm stuck here all day. I work half the week and am home resting the rest of the time. Maybe I am nesting."

"You're definitely nesting." He said playfully, nudging me on the couch.

We ate as some old, drama sitcom played in the background. We had always been silent together. We spoke with our eyes in school, and it creeped our friend group out. I didn't have long to go before my daughter was born and as it grew closer to her arrival, I realized I hadn't heard anything from the crones on the streets. I got stared at, but there was a thickness in the air and I had felt a panic in my chest again as I watched cars drive up and down the street. When I asked Fynn about what was being said, it was avoided. I tended to drop the subject as I moved forward with the apartment and work, but something lingered in the air.