A Stupid Multiple Choice Story

Time: 1969

Time: 1969
Occupation: You're a Professional Juggler

A tall, dark man kills your mother in an alleyway in New Jersey. You're distraught because you watched the whole thing happen from your penthouse bathroom while you were soaking in lavender essential oil bath water. Instead of calling for help you:

A: throw your soap at the tall man before realizing the soap was actually a brick, hitting the man's head and killing him instantly.

3: scramble out of the tub to run downstairs and tackle the man to the ground. But before you can get out of the bathroom, you slip on a bar of soap that you left on the floor for some stupid reason, crack your head open on the tile floor, then bleed out and die.

F: call the police on your phone only to realize your phone is your hand which you shaped like a phone and you don't actually have a telephone in your bathroom.

7: rub your eyes then squint out the window to make sure you're not hallucinating, but by the time you look outside again the tall man is already gone so you just figure it was all in your imagination and you ignore the dead body in the alleyway, assuming the dead body is also a hallucination.

Q: pretend you're blind.

2: celebrity because now you get her inheritance, but then cry because you remember that you still have a father.

J: smile, glad that you hired him.

5: squirt soap into your eyes. Wash away the horror. Wash. Away. The. Horror.

Z: ignore the whole thing because you don't actually know who that woman is.

@: pray that you're next, hoping to be reincarnated as your lover's dog so you'll finally be noticed.

Five: move. You never liked New Jersey anyway.

7 Again: perfect. Just as you had planned.

$: go back to relaxing. This murder isn't going to tear you away from having a nice, calming time.

&: dang it. That was the third time this month.

_____________________________________

If you chose A, you are legally blind.

If you chose 3, there's no hope.

If you chose F, you're secretly an idiot.

If you chose 7, then good for you.

If you chose Q, welcome to stupid town. Population: you.

If you chose 2, your brain is in your butt.

If you chose J, you're kinda creepy ngl.

If you chose 5, your dead mamma would be proud.

If you chose Z, you're smarter than a fifth grader.

If you chose @, bro you good?

If you chose Five, you have a future as bright as the moon on a moonless night.

If you chose 7 Again, I think I'm going to call the police now.

If you chose $, you're the kind of person that won't allow bad situations to way you down. Enjoy that nice bath, even if your mom really did just die right in front of you. It's not your problem, it's hers.

If you chose &, you have a sad life...and a lot of moms.