A Bone to Pick

Caged Freedom

I was filled with a mix of excitement and fear. 

Excitement because I'll be studying in the UK - the thought itself was amazing already. According to the website, the school resembled a mini castle, though the inner furnishings were a tad bit shabby looking. I would be having this whole new eye-opening experience that's most definitely once in a lifetime, being able to learn from English teachers. I would be able to explore the English countryside and expand my horizons beyond the confines of urban Singapore.

But let's not forget the fear. I was only 17 then - I had never gone abroad by myself, and was highly worried about everything that could happen. I have been on overseas school trips, but those don't count since you weren't wholly responsible for yourself. You were still under the school's protection, and you had your friends with you. This time would be completely different. I would be a full boarder - living in school accommodation for the 2 years of my education, with the principal and the house mistress as my sole guardians. I was scared of the unknown that was looming ahead of me - what would I do all alone without my parents to guide me? What if I needed help? I wouldn't have any friends there, but need to start afresh. Questions like these plagued me throughout the duration in which I waited for the school term to begin in September. I spent the 2-3 months left in Singapore indulging in all my favourite local foods, spending as much time as I could with my grandparents, and just soaking up all the Singaporean-ness I could. 

Before I knew it, the time had come to fly off. My parents and 2nd brother came with me (moral support), and I was tingling with excitement, anticipation and fear. Who knew what the future held? We spent 2-3 days in London sightseeing, before renting a car and driving out to my school (it's in the countryside). It was a long 5 hour car journey, but the scenery was beautiful. After clearing the main roads out of London, we drove along roads winding through meadows and fields filled with endless horizons of green grass. The sky was a clear blue with no clouds in sight, the sun shining down on you without the feeling of oppressive heat. I was filled with an odd sense of calm, despite the butterflies in my stomach. I could do this. 

Despite leaving on time, we reached W at 5pm, and by then the registration office had closed. We wandered the grounds looking for someone to help, but only saw other Chinese students walking around. Eventually, we managed to locate the secretary, and she directed us to my boarding house, which was just a short ways down the street from the school. After meeting the boarding mistress, Mrs. M, we unloaded my luggage and brought it up to my room. My mom helped me unpack my luggage and arrange the items in my room, and it was then the panic began to set in. Whilst in London, I had managed to keep the fear at bay and maintained a facade of calm and happiness. However, upon seeing my belongings all placed neatly in drawers and shelves, reality hit me smack in the face. 

I was here. For real. This is happening. 

My family was kind enough to spend my first dinner with me at the school dining hall, and they sat with me and made small talk. They could probably sense the fear radiating off me like heatwaves, and were doing their best to calm me down. Off to the side were another group of international students who had just arrived as well, and my parents encouraged me to go and hang out with them. It was, in a sense, inevitable. I had to learn to survive on my own here, and that began with making friends. Little niggles of fear bloomed in my stomach as I watched them leave for their hotel, leaving me to shuffle towards the table of strangers. I tamped down the anxiety and just introduced myself, and to my great relief, they were Singaporeans and Malaysians! People from my region of the world! I was so overcome with relief that I found people in my year I could connect with on my first day here, my fear was temporarily forgotten. There were 2 other Singaporean girls with me, C1 and C2; a Singaporean boy, who was rather quiet upon first meeting, but later opened up a bit more; and a Malaysian girl, SL. They were friendly enough, and I was just glad to have people who were as clueless as I in the beginning. We chatted about our anxiety regarding the first day of school, which was a mere 2 days away, and how odd it would be to wear suits (no kidding, like we were office workers) as uniform. The easy conversation calmed me down, and the best part was that the Upper Sixth (U6) senior Phoebe, who was guiding us around clicked with me really well. Knowing that I at least had some people to call on gave me a peace of mind for my first night alone in my dorm.