|| myct oneshots || mostly dsmp ||

ranboo ftm angst/fluff

still a escapism from my ever running gender dysphoria teehee i am not okay!!!!!!!!!!1!1!1!1!1!!!!1!!1!!11111

cw; sam/ranboo venting about their body/gender, also ranboos deadname will be emma bcs i have a bitch named emma in my class

tw; uhh body hate idk what you call it

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i hate my body.

i hate every single particle of it-. my hair, my waist, my chest. god i wanted to cut that chest with a blade so that it never sees a day of light again, drown the fucking tits and toss it to the ocean. i just wanted to be normal, have a normal boy body, use a normal dark voice boy without hurting mine.

"hey emma? you still there?" i snap  instantly out of my thoughts. that stupid name. i wish i could burn it, never to be seen again. maybe i will, someday.

"huh? yeah, i am tubs. you were saying?" i tried to not be aggressively sounding, failed pathetically.

"mm, okay! anyways, i need help getting women, as a woman, can you help me?" he snickered. it wasn't funny at all.

"a women like you, emma, must be good with interacting with other women" thats it.

woman. girl. she/her. emma.

"I AM NOT A FUCKING WOMAN." i spoke. well, screamed, actually. i think the whole neighborhood heard me.

i wouldn't care less. after this, at least everyone would stop calling me emma, a girl, a woman, female.

everytime someone calls me that, it feels like a pang in my chest. like i dont know what to do. im completely weakened to the power of misgendering. it hurts. my whole body hurts. i wish i could be normal. that i could have boy things, that i could do boy things. that im a boy.
but im not. im not 'normal'. im a freak. an absolute freak that everyone hates to see. i hate to see me too. i just wanna be normal im sorry im sorry im sorry im-

"emma..? what do mean.." oh. right. i accidentally came out to my friend, now he probably thinks im a weird. i might aswell get over and on to it.

"tubbo.. y'know when you call me.. emma. that.. hurts. it hurts seeing people call me a 'woman' 'girl' and stuff.. im- im sorry if i freaked out, i shouldn't had done that, but im just confused about.. who i am, or who i want to be.. so just- call me ranboo and he/him, okay?" silence filled the call after that sentence.

oh no.

i shouldn't have said that, he hates me now i know it ranboo you dumb fuck nobody cares about your pronouns and you gender your gonna be alone with this always and-

"e- ranboo.. why didn't you say before?"

oh no?

he- he likes me like this? like a freak? non-normal? i am so confused.

"why didnt i say it before? i thought you weren't accepting me and we wouldn't be friends.."

"oh ranboo, of course i accept you!"

what.

why is he nice. he should be scared of me, say that im a freak or something. why is he.. accepting me??

"oh." was the only thing i could grasp out of my mouth. in reality, gender euphoria increased sky rocked. he accepted me. he likes that im not emma, but simply, ranboo.

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566 words besties get it ig amrite???

anyways, dw im okay i just need a little bit angst and gender 👹