I'm on my way to work in an Uber without a face mask and all I'm feeling is to go somewhere without any human and cry my heart out. Dam I'm in a situation where I cannot even cry even if I want to. I have been disrespected by my partner so many times. I know he is Harassing me physically and mentally. I always decide to move out and stay separately but when ever he be nice to me I forgive him even him saying sorry. I know I did a mistake for always forgiving him without him saying sorry because now I can hardly remember him saying sorry to me in the 5 year relation. I love him but I think we are not made for each other. I know I drama are not real but all I want is for him to respect me and treat me nicely but dam the pain that he gives me I cannot even giving it to my enemy as after all we are human.
We slept saying that he will drop me to work the next morning. When I woke up I thought of making pack lunch as I assumed that if he drop me, I got time to make my lunch. After less then a hour for my shift to start. I asked home to get ready and drop me but as if a girl is on her period he told me to go by myself. I was mad as i didn't catch my tram thinking that he will drop me. Now he was like go by yourself. I don't want to take Uber and asked him many times to drop me wondering and doubting his love for me as I won't let a person I know or person I love beg so much and don't feel bad about it. He has always let me suffer I'm any situation when he is not in a good mood.
I feel ashamed that even if he treats me badly. I still love him. Sometime I wonder where is my self respect and self love as I deserve better then this. I deserve to be valued and respected.
The question of did I do a mistake in choosing my partner has been crossing my mind a lot.
People around me think that we are the ideal couple. I make sure that people see the happy side of me but I wonder and think to myself am I happy. Do I deserve this disrespect and the worst part is to act like everything is fine. I can't share my sorrow to my parents as I don't want them to worry about me. I can't share them to my sister coz they will blame me for not listening to them by marrying and they will make me separate with him that I want to but not ready to let him go. What should I do ?
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Feelings 01
Krótkie OpowiadaniaIt's just my diary and a way of escaping the pain and expressing my feelings, when I'm feeling low.
