Why do I hate Harry Styles?

29: Do your work Bella, I'll do mine

Bella's pov

I watched him leave. I felt nothing...no emotions run through me. I felt empty!
Whatever I was scared of and wished not to happen , occurred.

Harry didn't believe me...he was blaming me on the contrary for making things up. I don't know what I have ever done for him to think this way of me!? But I was not sad neither was I angry at him. It was myself who I was angry at for once again becoming so vulnerable and weak infront of him. For believing he will trust me.

Things got even worse by Gemma hearing our conversation and if I am not wrong she heard Harry's comment about Drake and I. I can't even bring myself to imagine what she must be thinking of me?

What she must be going through? I'm sure she has so many questions right now and I wanted to answer them....By now I understood it was a mistake...a big mistake to call him here. It got me nothing except more reason to hate myself for counting on him to help me, to understand what I say. I should have just told her everything.

When I saw her here I wanted to go after her and tell her everything. It wouldn't be a easy thing to explain her nonetheless ,she would have believed me at last. But Harry stopped me, I, having no right to argue with him had to give into him.

Now it wasn't Gemma and Drake's relationship that worried me. It was Harry and I. I still don't know what we are? Who is he for me? Just a friend?.... Yes? Or No? I don't want to lie to myself. I want to know the answer , Why does he affect me so much?
Even after that argument the other day why did I still had faith that he'll believe me?
I don't know. Maybe....somewhere I know but that answer scares me...

I chuckled humourlessly for no particular reason. Or maybe I was laughing at my unsettled mind.
My eyes glistened with unwanted tears that I didn't want to acknowledge.
So many emotions were running through me....vulnerability, regret, melancholy, bitterness, uncertainty that neither could I cry nor laugh.

With a normal face I entered the college. I crossed the rest of the day with an absolute 'normal' countenance. I didn't cry and was not my dull self that I would usually do when Harry was concerned. I participated in the lessons and was like my old self, how I was almost everyday before he entered my life.

Harry brought out the worst in me. From shouting, crying, ranting or laughing weirdly.....to dancing, running across a deserted alley, jumping in utter happiness and doing all crazy things. I would do it all with him. He brought me out of my very normal, average also kinda boring personality to someone I didn't know I could ever be.

Again he was the reason behind the way I was now. He made me believe that all those things were a moment thing we could live and enjoy them while they last after that we are bound to return and live in this real world.

He taught me that not always we can move past our problems sometimes they are so deep that we have to live with them and put on an act to show....it's okay

He was the one who made me believe he would be there with me in every moment and he only taught me not all promises are meant to be kept.

Circumstances do change people but I didn't know it would need him a few days to change so drastically.
I was wrong..

I looked away, from the book I have been staring at for the past twenty minutes and have not read a single word, I saw Susan, across the library, looking at me with wierd expressions that I assume are of worry as her forehead was formed into creases indicating how immensely she was observing me. Finding me looking back at her, she gave me a small 'worried' smile.

Which made me frown in return, I shifted my gaze back to the book .
She had been observing me since the first lesson after break. No matter how 'normal' I behave she knew something was wrong. She also knew it was about him as I had been this way after meeting him. But never once did she mentioned about it. As she knows I didn't want to talk about it if I would she would be the first one to know. Which made me happy internally.
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