The Influence | Colby Brock

Chapter 30: Into the Rabit Hole

I set my phone down on my bed. I stare around the room, seeing the mess of it. I've been rushing to get ready for Lana. We have a month left, but time feels so delicate. It feels like we have nothing done or nothing ready for her. I know we're prepared financially and physically, but emotionally, it's going to be hard.

"Kat?" I hear Imani's voice. My lips turn into a wide smile when I see her at my door.

She smiles back and walks up to me, hugging me tightly. "I've missed you." I whisper. It's been months since I've seen her, or even really spoken to her.

"I know I'm so sorry I haven't been here." She tells me. We let go and she rubs my bump softly. "She's getting so big." She laughs.

"I know, it feels like I've been pregnant for years." I laugh.

I follow her as she sits on my bed. "What have you been up to?" I ask her excitedly.

"Literally nothing." She rolls her eyes, "School is over with. I'm not working this summer because of the internship. I'm just chilling."

"Lucky you. I've been freaking out for the past two weeks because she can come anytime now." I sigh. "You would think I would be used to the fact that I'm having a baby by now, but I'm not. 36 weeks later and I'm no where near being prepared."

"Well, I am extremely confident in you." She tells me. "You're going to be amazing, Kat. You don't need to be scared. You have all of the support you need." I smile and nod my head.

I know I am do it. I have to make sure she has the best life possible. But, I still have a small part of me that's extremely scared of the future. What happens if Colby falls off again? What happens if I lose my trust in him?

****

Imani and I spent a couple hours catching up and getting things settled in Lana's nursery. She also helped me pack my bags and unbox the car seat and stroller. It felt good to be with her. I don't see her much now because we're moving on with our lives, two separate ways. I wish I could just live like every other teenage girl, but I was stupid. I let myself get pregnant.

"Do you need anything before I go out?" Colby asks me.

"Where are you going?" I furrow my eyebrows, leaning up. We haven't spoke much since I got back. I don't want to let him in again, so I try my best to stay away.

"With the guys. We're just going to this abandoned house to film a video." He tells me.

I nod my head, "I'm okay. Just go have fun." I smile.

I miss him. I hate to admit it, but, I really do miss him. I loved him so much for so long, only to be broken by him. I tried to move on and I couldn't. I tried to forget and I can't. I have to do everything possible to make sure Lana has an amazing life, but I can't go back into the rabbit hole. I can't go into this wonderland that I believe is perfect, when it's not.