Pirate Oneshots

Like Pirate People (pt.1)

Can twirls across the deck, humming a song with her eyes closed and headphones on, her crewmates just barely dodging her. 

"CAN, WATCH OUT!!" Figgy yells before Can falls over the side of the ship, screaming. Kosmos walks up to Figgy and places a reassuring hand on her shoulder,

"You tried. And failed." It looks over the edge at Can, who's desperately trying to keep her headphones dry. 

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"Alright, guys. So we found this thing at the last town. We have no idea if it's fake or if it's real, but we're gonna find out." Foxy tiredly holds up a treasure map, An0n smiling excitedly next to her. 

"Yes!! We're going on an adventure!" An0n grins, adjusting her pirate hat. 

Veela gasps, "Like pirate people." 

An0n nods, "Like pirate people."

"LESSGOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Aoxy cheers loudly, cupping her hands over her mouth like a megaphone. Soon a chorus of "LESSGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" starts, every crewmate joining in. 

An0n smiles at her crew of yelling readers. 

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"Chart a course to this island, you guys know what to do!" An0n tells Mystery and Wren, handing Wren the treasure map. 

"You got it, boss!" Mystery chirps and the two walk over to the helm. An0n spins around to face the boatswains, 

"You guys go ahead and make sure everything is running smoothly. Ar on the main deck with the deckhands, Kookie and Cloud with the gunners, and Can in the kitchen." An0n explains, pointing to each person as she goes. They all nod and go to their respective places, Can skipping over to the kitchen, swinging her fire extinguisher on her hook excitedly. 

Can goes into the kitchen and places the fire extinguisher on the ground while taking a seat, "Hi guys! I'm on kitchen duty today!" Can announces, smiling. 

"Hello!" Theo greets with a wide smile, sticking a tray of cookies into the oven. 

"Hey Can!" Dogge waves before continuing to knead some dough.

"Hello Can!" Mersh pops their head out from a cabinet under the sink. Can squints at Mersh, thinking.

"Okay then." She says slowly. 

"We're making spaghetti!" Sapl pops faer head out of the other cabinet. Dogge sighs. 

Sapl then gasps and looks and faer hands, "I'm Cabinet Man" Fae whisper below faer breath. 

Theo reaches down and pats faer head, "Yes. Yes you are."

Sapl returns the affirmation with a quiet "Yes."

 "Wait wait wait wait go back. You're making spaghetti?" Can asks, her expression confused.

"Mhm!!" Mersh smiles.

"It's going to turn out perfect." Sapl reassures, "It's the best thing the kitchen has ever created if I do say so myself." 

Mersh nods, "It's wonderful." 

"How are you cooking it under the sink though?" Can asks slowly.

"Some secrets are not to be shared. Some dark, dark secrets." Mersh's voice gets low and their expression darkens.

"Fire." Sapl simply states.

"Yeah, and fire." Mersh nods. 

"WHAT?" Theo yells, "WHY ARE YOU USING FIRE UNDER THE SINK???"

"To cook spaghetti, duh." Mersh says plainly, as though it was obvious. 

"Yeah, what else would we use? And besides, it's all under contr- oh hey Mersh, you're sleeve is on fire." 

"WHAT?" Can standa up, grabbing her fire extinguisher, "GET OUT OF THERE!"

"AAAAAAAAAA" Mersh screams, stumbling out of the cabinet, "GET IT OFF OF MEEEEEEEEE" Mersh reaches for a nearby bottle of clear liquid and pours it on their sleeve. 

"NO, MERSH, THATS VODKA-"

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"So, you guys burned down the kitchen-?" Foxy asks, looking blankly at the kitchen staff and Can.

"Weeellllllll" Mersh begins,

"Yes. Yes, they did." Aoxy seethes from behind Foxy. 

"Nice. How was the fire? Was it pretty?" An0n inquires, her eyes glistening in pyromania. 

Sapl and Mersh nod quickly, "It was spaghetti fire. I am Cabinet Man." Sapl explains. 

"How did you burn down the kitchen making spa- you know what? That doesn't matter. There's an island nearby, we'll go there, stock up on new food, because I'm assuming it's all crispy by now. Aoxy, salvage as much of the kitchen as you can, and then for the rest we'll keep our fingers crossed that the treasure is actually real." Foxy suggests, and An0n nods, 

"Yeah, seems good to me." An0n agrees. 

"Please guys, stop burning things." Aoxy pleads, her voice weak. 

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"So we're treasure hunting, yeah?" CH asks Mystery while mopping up the floor around the helm. 

"Yep, we're on our way to the island right now." Mystery responds, keeping a steady hand on the wheel. 

"Cool cool cool cool cool what if we took all the money for ourselves? Haha, jkjk... unless?" CH leans against his mop, smiling innocently. 

"I WANT IN." Kape yells from the main deck. They drop their broom and run up the stairs to the helm. "I want in." 

"Hmmm I'll allow it." CH nods, sizing up Kape. 

"This sounds like a terrible idea." Mystery points out slowly, "So count me in." She grins. 

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Fun fact: the last chapter was 816 words, and this one was 815 B) 

Stay tuned for more of CH, Kape, and Mystery's Terrible Ideas (woo!)