My name is hajime hinata, but you can call me hajime. I work a part time job at subway, when I'm not playing killing games in a school with a psychotic half-and-half bear, though I had graduated 2 years ago and barely remember anything. My boss, Ed Sheeran, said I had to come into work today. It's Sunday and I always get Sundays off so I'm kind of pissed I had to come in today. I was working with my co-worker, Sonic the Hedgehog, when a musty smell suddenly swept through the room. As the doorbell rang a musty smelling man with a green jacket and knotty hair that looked as if it had never been washed in weeks walked in. Dear god, I was scared I was going to collapse on the floor right then and there from the disgusting and acrid smell. Dear god he smelled like a rotting corpse. He lifted his boney, skinny hand and pointed at the menu.
"I'll have a 6 inch sub on Italian bread with ham, cheese, peppers, and mayonnaise please," the musty man said,
"and I'll have some extra hope sprinkled on top," he winked.
I was making his order while Sonic was sleeping in the back. That lazy bastard, always making me do the work while he gets paid to lay around all day.
"What's your name by the way?"
"My name is Hajime, can't you see my nametag?"
"Oh, I see it now. My name is Nagito Komeada, by the way."
Honestly I don't know what this homeless looking musty-ass man was trying to get at. Perhaps he had no friends because of his putrid odor, perhaps he was gay and looking for a quick fuck, or perhaps he had a fetish for guys with brown hair and ahoges working at subway on days they were supposed to take off, but whatever his deal was, I didn't want any part of it.
"Here's your sandwich, sir."
"I have to pee."
Nagito then ran to the bathroom, clenching his sub in one hand, and the crotch of his pants with the other.
This man is absolutely disgusting. I mean, dear god. Going to take a piss with your meal? Gross. Couldn't be me. Sonic was still asleep in the back, and Ed Sheeran had gone on a coffee break a couple of hours ago, so it was my job to make sure Nagito wasn't pulling any funny-business. I crept slowly to the bathroom, and heard grunts coming from inside. I knocked to make sure he wasn't dying or anything in there. The door was unlocked, and suddenly I heard footsteps coming to the door, and suddenly it swung open. In there was Nagito, and what looked like his sub sandwich, on his dick. Dear god, was he using his sub as a fleshlight? I looked away and gagged in disgust. Suddenly he pulled me into the bathroom and locked the door.
"Hajime, don't you remember me?"
"No, not really. I can't really remember anything and honestly I think it's best that way."
"Hajime... I have been looking for you everywhere..."
Suddenly he pulled me in and forced me to eat what I think was a glowing purple carrot. What kind of weird fetish is this? Using a sandwich as a fleshlight and then forcing some random guy who made you it a glowing purple carrot?
"Hajime! Get back to work- oh."
Shit. Ed Sheeran was back. How was I supposed to explain this to the ginger British singer?
"Mr. Sheeran, i-i-it's not what it looks like-"
Nagito then force fed me the cum-covered remains of his sandwich and I couldn't talk anymore.
"Mr. Sheeran... why don't you come join us and sing Shape of You?"
Ed's eyes suddenly lit up and he bursted through his clothes and was suddenly dressed in cowboy clothing with some weird hat.
Then he started singing.
"Hajime, I want you to scream the word "sandwich or I will shove more of those carrots down your throat."
Fearing for my life, I began screaming
"SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH SANDWICH!"
Suddenly Nagito started glowing red, then his skin slowly peeled off.
"DANNY DEVITO??????"
Turns out Nagito wasn't Nagito, it was Danny Devito all along.
I then exploded from homosexuality.
