I Wish You All The Best

"I love you Ban"

It's four words, that's all I have to say. Why is it so hard? I want you to look at me, I want to receive your tender gaze. But I never do, you'll never look at me like that. My sister is the one you love. I knew that I knew that falling in love with you would end in heartbreak.

It wasn't love at first sight, neither was it lust. In the beginning, it was fear. I was afraid you would take Elaine away. I was afraid you might be like the rest of the humans. Should you have taken the last person I had left, I truly don't know what I would have done.

I watched you and Elaine with vigilance, but I made a mistake. I started to feel things for you. As I worked up the courage to confess, you asked to date, Elaine. I can still remember it, you looked so nervous. 

Are you afraid I would say no?

But how could I say no? You are happy with her, she's happy with you. A match made in heaven, but where do I fit in. I said yes and the way your face lit up like a child is something I've never forgotten. You are happy with her, you wouldn't be happy with me. How could you be happy with me?

The other fairies would often mention you two. They would mention how happy you are, how thankful they were you ended up together. I would smile and agree with them, but each time it reminded me. I can't make you happy.  It would tear my heart to shreds, but it would always mend itself when I saw your smile. Your happy, that's all that matters. My pain won't last forever. 

On the dark days when my loneliness seemed to reach its peak, I would imagine your smile. The first smile you gave me, the second one, the third, fourth and fifth. Your smiles would both save me and push me further down.

Nonetheless, you two were happy. Your eyes would shine with a gentle light when you looked at her. You indulged her silly ideas. I wish you would look at me the same. Elaine looked at you with joy in her eyes. She was the happiest I had ever seen her, was I not enough for Elaine either?

The years had passed with you two only growing happier. But I, all I did was sink further.

One day, you and Elaine asked to leave the forest. You wanted to wander the world together. I smiled and sent you off. I could never bear to wipe the smile off your face.

Without the two of you, the forest seemed colder. Everything felt dull and gray. The only respite I received was at night when my indulgent dreams would take over. Then I could imagine you looking at me, the way you looked at her. 

I wanted to see you Ban.

Another couple of years went by and I still hadn't seen the two of you. I had buried myself with managing the forest. If there was nothing to do in the forest, I'd be in my room. No one asked about me, no one asked where I was. 

I had no friends left in this forest, I was simply their king!

The loneliness swallowed me up inside, even I the Great Fairy King couldn't handle it. So, I sent a letter to you, asking for your and Elaine's return. Not to see you, no I wished for you to rule over the forest for a couple of years.

I couldn't stay with you, I might do something I would regret.

Of course, you both happily accepted. Mentioning that you wanted to settle down. The thought made me unhappy, suddenly I didn't want you to come back. Yet the reply had already arrived, how could I say no?