memories

Photos

*Matt P.O.V*

Here I was, sitting in my own house. My home, but I always thought for it to be a home you need family or people you love. This was my home, but at the moment I wasn't sure, because Shayna was my only family. I wasn't sure if this was Shayna, it certainly looked like her on the out side, but something on the inside had changed. It was like she wasn't there, the twinkles in her eyes were replaced with a foggy dullness. So for the moment I called it my house because it didn't feel like a home without her.

I felt sad. Not the kind of sad when you miss your favourite t.v show or when you loose a game, but that feeling of sadness deep down. That sadness of when you loose a friend or something you love. I'd only ever felt this one other time when my mum died. It's something you just can't understand until it actually happens. It happened three years ago when Shayna was fifteen and I was nineteen. She died of breast cancer after countless moths of suffering and fighting it was to much. It was especially hard because our dad left when I was only four, so I promised her I would look after Shayna. Now I felt like I had broken that promise and let mum down.

Shayna and I both agreed mum was beautiful not just on the outside, but in her heart. She would do anything for us, she loved us a lot and we loved her back just as much. It's sad to think now all we have are memories, but we just need to keep them alive. I miss her very much and I just can't lose my little sister as well.

I had just given Shayna her birthday present two tickets to London. One for her and one for laura. She had always wanted to travel the world and London was her favourite. I don't see what's so good about the place, I mean it's perfectly fine here in Australia. Everything you can do in London you can do here. Ok I admit I'm just worried about her going over seas by herself, especially like this.

"what's a London?" Shayna asks

Well if she doesn't even know that London isn't a thing that its a place, then things are a lot worse than I thought. Me and Laura exchange worrying looks. Shayna is just as confused at why we don't answer.

"London's a place far away" I say and force a smile.

"what? Your sending me away? Why?" she asks.

"you've always wanted to go there" I explain

"yeah we're not making you" Laura adds

She looks at both of us.

"so your telling me that I've always wanted to go to London, but I don't even know where or what it is?"

"well yes, but you used to know where and what it is" Laura said.

"here come have a look at this" I say and stretch out my hand to her.

She looks at it for a while. It seems like forever, but she finally understands and grabs my hand. I take her down the hall way. It's well lighted with framed photographs hanging up. There all lined up and spaced out evenly across the whole wall. In all of them people are smiling even if they went happy, they were still smiling. Shayna is just staring at them not saying anything. I wonder what's going through her mind. If she remembers any of the faces or the memories. As she focuses on the photos I think about the times when these photos weren't just memories. When they were happening, when we were living these moments. I'm drifting off again I often do this when I think to hard. Mum always said I was a deep thinker, she didn't say it was bad I just looked at things differently.

Shayna is now looking at a photo of our mum. She has a big smile like all the other photos, but I know her smile was real. She had soft brown hair that hung freely past her shoulders. This photo of her is fairly old and she looks beautiful and young.

"who's this?" Shayna asks. She seems really curious about this particular photo.

"that's our mum." I simply say and we stand there not saying anything just silence.

It's quiet for a while then she turns to me tears in her eyes. "she died, didn't she?"

I nod and look down at my feet and notice my shoes are muddy. I suddenly snap out of it, I'm easily distracted. I look back at Shayna who's not coping well. I do the only thing that used to calm her down. I just hug her and we stay like that until she stops.

Laura comes in with some lunch. We go into the dining room and eat salad sandwiches and drink apple juice. It seems like everything is back to normal, but it's not I just pretend it is.

Laura breaks the silence.

"so we're gunna pack tonight Shayna." she says with enthusiasm.

"yeah I guess. What do you pack when you go to London?"

"I've never been to London before" she chuckles, "but I guess just the usual."

"what's the "usual" then?" she try's to mimic Laura's voice when she says usual.

"oh you know, clothes, phone, toiletries and stuff you don't want to leave behind. Were gone for quite a long time."

"you girls might want to start packing now. Your plane leaves tomorrow." I add.

Shayna gets up and heads down the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. I have the feeling she's looking at the photos again.

I turn to Laura.

"she remembered about mum." I say quietly.

"really, what about?" she asks sadly.

"she was looking at her photo and said 'she died, didn't she?'

I don't know how or why she remembered that and nothing else. Hopefully we can trigger other things to make her remember more. But right now I need her to look after her especially tomorrow." I sound stern, but Laura knows I'm just concerned.

Laura nods, gives a sigh and a little smile. She follows Shayna down the hall way and leads her into her room. I let them pack for the rest of the afternoon without interrupting. After a last night of worrying I finally know she's safe, even though she isn't how she used to be. At least she's here though and knowing this I can finally relax. I lay down on the couch and sleep takes over me.