Regrets

Part 1

Tessa made her way down the main staircase at Chancellor mansion in her pajamas; it was the middle of the night and she had awoken to find Mariah gone from their bed.

She saw the light on in the living room and found Mariah on the couch. "Hey, there you are," Tessa greeted.

One glance at her girlfriend and she knew she was not okay. Her face was tear streaked as she looked up.

"What's wrong?" Tessa was immediately concerned, Mariah wiped at her eyes, trying to conceal the evidence.

Tessa moved to sit with her on the couch, reaching out to touch her face and resting her other hand on Mariah's knee. She inspected her, searched her eyes.

Mariah met her gaze and then dropped her eyes. Tessa's eyes followed. Mariah's hands clung to a book between them. Mariah and her had both been reading lots of pregnancy books to prepare for the changes. She did not recognize this one. It looked like one of Abby's books about caring for a newborn.

Tessa looked back up at Mariah, searching her eyes again. She caressed her face inquisitively. "What's going on?" Tessa asked. "Are you feeling sick?" She inquired.

Mariah just stared and then tears began to fall, as Mariah silently cried.

"Talk to me Mariah," Tessa pleaded, starting to get worried. Tears began to form behind her own eyes. She did not need the reason. Her body could only respond with empathy. This was her person. The love of her life. Her heart. If Mariah was hurting, so was she.

As Mariah took in the care and love in Tessa's eyes, the tears about to travel down that beautiful face of her's in response to her own, she tried to speak. She tried to find the words but all she had was, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Tessa."

Confusion shifted onto Tessa's features followed by an attempt at reassurance as she rubbed Mariah's knee, noticing that the redhead remained stiff in place clinging to that book between them.

"Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. Please just tell me what's wrong," Tessa prompted again.

"But I am sorry," the redhead declared. "I-I just woke up and it felt like everything was changing - had changed and I didn't recognize my body, my life - our life anymore" she explained. "How we got here," she said motioning to the room.

Tessa looked around not sure if she meant literally. "What do you mean?" She asked patiently.

"All of this," Mariah said motioning to the room and then looking down at the growing baby bump.

Tessa exhaled before she spoke, "it is a lot of change. It's overwhelming," she sympathized. "Your body is going through so much, getting that little guy ready to come into the world," Tessa acknowledged, motioning down to the baby bump with her usual heartfelt glance.

For the first time, Mariah allowed herself to see something else, the plethora of other emotions that also characterized Tessa's expression as she glanced at her stomach, along with love, there were so many other things she had tried not to see - Disappointment. Hurt. Longing.

Mariah caught Tessa off guard, grabbing her hand in hers and squeezing it. "You have been so incredibly supportive Tessa. I-I could never have gotten through this without you" she asserted.

"Of course," Tessa shrugged. "That's what I'm here for," she smiled, letting her other hand slip from Mariah's face to adjust some hair behind her ear.

"You've been amazing. I definitely don't deserve it" Mariah admitted.

"Don't say that of course you do," Tessa corrected.