Natashas story

The Snap

I watched as people around me start disappearing. Disintegrating into ash, we lost. Thanos won. I sprint into a clearing looking for the love of my life, Steve Rogers, I see him sitting next to the dead body of my teammate and friend, Vision. he's still, too still, scary still. Its normal for Steve to freeze when filled with too much greif or sadness, even confusion. But this is even worse than when Peggy died. When she died he at least pretended to be okay. It helped that he knew it was coming. Steve has never done well with loss. Loss of a person, or loss of the battle. I stop running and walk over to him. I stand above him. I feel a sinking feeling in my stomach. Like I am disintegrating from the inside out I look at my hands to make sure that I'm not disappearing. I'm still here? The sinking feeling gets stronger as a second passes and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Then I realize I must have been pregnant. I put my hand on Steve's shoulder to balance myself. A tear rolls silently down my cheek, followed by another and another. I feel dizzy like I'm gonna pass out.
I look down at visions body, really look at it. I see a large hole in his forehead where Thanos has ripped the mind stone from his head that once powered his body. His skin that was once bright red, now pale and desaturated in color. His eyes which used to be a stunning blue, now white and glazed over. Holes in his chest and arms and legs sprawled at weird angles. The deep sinking feeling quickly passes along with the nausea but the sadness stays. Steve's look up at me for a moment his face streaked with tears, confusion and defeat. He's not used to losing this bad. even if the battle wasn't over by now, I don't think he'd get up to fight. that scares me. I can't help but think of all we've lost in this moment 50% of the universe's population. 50% of earths population. 50% of my friends, my teammates, my family. And not only that, I have also lost the one thing I have always dreamed of having, the one thing I have wanted ever since I was a little girl, the one thing I've always been allowed to want but was never allowed to have. A child.