Hugging a Stranger

Chapter 1

People always say your life can change in an instant, but I thought they meant something drastic had to happen, like a car accident, or maybe a blood vessel burst in your brain. Or it could be that something really lucky happens, such as being spotted by a talent agent, or winning the lottery. I didn't know that your life could change in an instant but that it would not instantly change. What I mean is, something could happen, something subtle, and you may not realize it at the time but it changes the course of your life. You could be going along in a rut, not even knowing how deep the rut is and how unlikely it is that you will ever get out of it, when something happens that lifts you out of the rut and your life takes a slightly different trajectory. Months later you look back and think how stunning, how utterly remarkable it is that your life ever changed at all. That is what happened to me last summer, and it started when a complete stranger hugged me.

That may sound kind of corny or even churchy, but you would have to understand what kind of a guy I was back then, what kind of a person I had become and how I was living. I was hanging out with this guy Robbie who was a homeless panhandler. I wasn't either of those things, but people often mistook me for a homeless person. I was getting the weathered look of a guy who lives outdoors. The truth is I wasn't technically homeless, but I didn't go home for days at a time.

My hair was in dreadlocks, which contributed to the homeless impression. Not the cool kind of dreadlocks that a guy in a band might have, mine were nasty. I didn't even set out to have dreadlocks, it just happened when I wore a knit cap for a month and neglected to comb my somewhat coarse hair. It got a few matted spots in the back and I didn't bother to do anything about it. By the time the weather warmed up and I took my cap off, I had a dreadful hairdo. Not neat and symmetrical dreadlocks. I had a few big ones in the back, a few small ones all around, and some hair that just didn't conform. To my surprise, my dreads did not cause people to stare at me. In fact, it had the opposite effect. People avoided me and gave me space. I looked homeless which made people assume I must be a crazy or a drug addict and they left me alone. I kind of liked the feeling of being invisible. I realized if you wear headphones, sunglasses, and a cap, you can go days on end without anyone talking to you or trying to mess with you.

One particular day, I was standing next to Robbie, who was asking people getting off the subway for a dollar. It works better to ask for a specific amount rather than just ask for change. I was standing about five feet away from him so that he would look alone, which is also better for panhandling, but we could still converse and joke around with each other. Robbie and I liked to try and make each other laugh while we were acting like we didn't know each other. I was usually a pretty shy person, but when people look right through you it gets easy to be bold sometimes. Most people wouldn't look my way, so I felt comfortable saying crazy things to strangers. This time I was pretending like random women getting off the subway were my girlfriend coming home from work all happy to see me. I would hold my arms open and pucker my lips. This got a good laugh out of Robbie, so I started to say to a few of them "Hey honey, I missed you. Where's my kiss?"

Of course they ignored me and kept walking, but then suddenly one stopped. She stopped and looked at my face, which kind of startled me since most people don't do that. She stopped and said, "I won't kiss you, but I will give you a hug." I thought she was joking, but when she took a few steps towards me, I figured she was some sort of religious zealot. I got ready for a "churchy" hug expecting her to put her arms on my shoulders and give me a few pats and tell me that Jesus loves me. But that is not what happened.

She set her briefcase down on the ground and put her arms around me and hugged me like she knew me, like she was completely comfortable. It wasn't just an upper body hug. She sort of folded herself into me and I could feel her legs touching mine. And she held on for a long time. In actuality, it was probably five seconds, but I wasn't expecting her to do that. I could hear Robbie laughing and practically screaming, hooting and hollering, but I stayed quiet and still, not wanting to ruin the moment.