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Chapter 47
• as i drove away from the pier, i stopped by the store. i grabbed a few beers with a lot of alcohol in it. i drove to this high up place. it was like a park, it was a hidden park though, it was high up, i used to go here a lot when i needed to clear my head. i would always look at the stars and talk to myself about how i felt.
i grabbed my speaker and connected it to my phone. i turned off my car and sat on the grass, i had an open and quiet view of the sky. it was really pretty out tonight.
i popped open a beer with my knuckle and drank it, it was kind of bitter but i got used to the taste fast.
"does he really think i'm a joke?" i asked myself. "i feel like an idiot." i took another drink. "i'm so blinded by his kindness. too actually think he really had feelings for me." i cried a little. "i'm a fucking idiot" i drank more. "i'm crying over a guy who lies about him loving me, and go out to drink to make myself feel better, it's been how many years since i've drank? he makes me feel like shit. makes me feel bad about what i do, i always crawl back to him with no sense of what he's planning. i'm in fucking pain"
"i haven't cried like this since our last break up, and that was in fucking middle school, i don't even know why i kept on loving him even after the break up. i'm so attached. i wish i wasn't" i cried more, drank more. "i feel so worthless. i feel like an idiot to let him in like that so easily"
"he's a fucking asshole, but so am i" i cried louder. "i love him so much, but it hurts so badly, i don't know what to do anymore, i wanna disappear from here, i feel like shit" i yelled. "why, why do this to me, why did we... have to meet...again" i cried in my arms, i hugged my legs and cried more. i drank more and more bottles.
"it hurts, it hurts" i cried in agony, i was in pain, it hurt. no matter how much i couldn't forgive him, i couldn't forgive myself either. it was just constant pain. i didnt want it anymore.
"why can't you just love me like i love you" i yelled "you're so confusing, you show me love and affection then go behind my back and talk to another. it hurts. can't you ever stop hurting me. it hurts suna. you make me wanna kill myself, that's how bad it hurts"
i cried more and more, yelling everything that came to though, drinking every last bottle till it was empty.
• • •
"mori come pick me up before i hurt myself and regret it" i told mori through the phone. "take the train, i have my car"
"alright" she hung up. i waited for mori and cried more. i constantly hit the top of my head with the glass bottle lightly. my head in my lap, arms out with the bottle in my hands. i dropped my strength in my arms having the bottle hit the top of my head but my hands still holding the bottle. i raised the glass bottle then dropped it. i repeated it over and over again. i cried more and more. it stung.
• • •
mori eventually came and picked me up. i was still crying. mori just let me be.
"mori, why doesn't he love me like i love him, am i just being a idiot, was i stupid to take him back so easily" i cried
"you're not an idiot" she sighed "and it wasn't stupid, he does love you"
"shut the fuck up, no he doesn't" i cried more.
she only sighed and kept driving.
• • •
we got her and asuras place, not a shock, the four of them were here. i sat on the couch, crying, drunk as i am.
"what's her problem?" atsumu said
"shut it bitch" i threw something at him.
"ow you stupid fuck" he yelled me. we started to argue and soon we were throwing stuff at each other.
"so why is she crying?" asura asked
"because of suna, dumb fuck" i threw a pillow at her. soon then her and her little ass boyfriend started to argue with me.
• • •
i fell asleep after a while. i was really not feeling it today. i woke up in the middle of the night and walked to the kitchen. there i found osamu.
"trouble sleeping?" he asked
"yea" i nodded, "do you and mori fight often?" i asked. i wanted to know. they just seem so perfect.
"yea, quite often actually, but we talk it out."
"oh, can i talk to you about something?" i asked.
"sure" he leaned against the counter while he drank water.
"well, can you tell me what suna was like in highschool?" i asked.
"well, in high school, we met on the volleyball team actually, he didn't really talk to people that much, he always seemed sad because of how quiet he was, when he talked to most people he was always straightforward. we were in the same class so i decided to be friends with him, when we got closer, he opened up more, he was pretty to be around. atsumu became friends with him and he started to be more open and fun. he would always try his best in class as well. he even talk about you during his second year of highschool when we got even more closer." he laughed a little.
"what did he say?" i asked.
"well i know i shouldn't be saying anything about it, but he would always talk about you saying.
