Perpetual

Naive

Tonight was a great example of the dumb shit that I'm a little too willing to put up with.

So there's this boy that you'll soon get an earful about. His name is Christian. He's been my boyfriend since September 22nd of 2014. He's probably the most immature, confusing and overall piece of shit, 17 year old boyfriend that I've ever had. But honestly, there's something about him that intrigues me and I still don't know what it is. I guess you could say that my staying with him makes me a little naive. But on the other hand, he is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. You'll hear a lot more about him later.

I'm going to try and put this into a bit of a story.

I woke up to the sound of my ringtone blaring into my ear, I swat my phone off of my bed and groan. Picking up the phone I notice that the caller ID reads my mother's first name. "What?"

"Get the fuck out of bed you're in deep shit," honestly at this point I'm just mad that my mom woke me up, after all I didn't go to school because my stomach had been doing some crazy ass parkour shit off the sides of my internal organs all night. Thanks Christian.

"Why?"

"We have to go down to the school, they have video proof of you and your friends lighting shit on fire during detention yesterday."

Yeah... About that. I had Thursday school yesterday, that's a three hour detention. Let's just say that we were bored.

"Mom, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Obviously she wasn't about to believe that shit, about two hours later she came home for her lunch break and we had to go talk to the principal (blah blah blah) but long story short, I'm suspended until next Friday. Christian is always on my ass about getting into trouble. He's probably the biggest hypocrite I know. He leaves everyday at lunch to smoke a cigarette, he's just sneaky as fuck and knows how to get away with everything.

He was really angry with me about being suspended. But I let him get mad because it always blows over.

Later in the day he comes over to remind me how dumb I've been and how I need new friends because all that mine do is get me is trouble. Honestly, that's where we're at right now.

Again, he's been a real dick head to me recently. It sucks being in love with someone like him, honestly.

But hey, he's who made me, me.

I'm not the type of person who likes to try and brag about being rebellious but I definitely do my fair share of it. First off, I used to be REALLY into drinking and partying. But since I've started smoking pot, it's changed my perspective on literally everything. I see another side to things that I knew was there, but never saw before. Getting high with friends made me see the soft side of guys who claim to be "hard niggas" and the sweet side to girls who claim to be "bad bitches." Unless you've really truly experienced it, hating on getting a little (or extremely) blazed is not your place. You only hate it because it's illegal and set in a bad light, bitch shut the fuck up. I guarantee that every stoner you criticize with blow that good shit right in your ugly ass face.

I'm not sorry that I genuinely enjoy being so dabbed out that my body shakes uncontrollably and I'm unable to talk without my lips smacking with cotton mouth. What I do is on me, you live your life and learn to deal with yourself and your buddies, alright?

Anyways, I'm getting a little side tracked. Let me tell you about the first time I smoked weed.

Okay so like I said, I was familiar with getting drunk but I had never really experienced the high of marijuana. When I met Christian, one of the first things I knew about him was the fact that he smoked weed. It was clear. He talked about it with his friends constantly. One Friday night, at this point we were only friends, I asked if I could smoke with him. As almost any pothead would do, he was more than down to take my "weed virginity" well not only that virginit- OKAY that's a different story. But yes, he was so in for it. I told my mom that I was going to stay at my gay guy friend's house. Really, I thought that this "gay friend," named Troy, was supposed to be there for the first time I smoked but he never showed. So I was left at the house of the guy I was currently crushing on to smoke and stay the night. Okay.

Christian's friend Joseph takes an impressive, now that I think about it, hit, then passing it to Christian. He takes an equally large hit and passes the glass pipe and white lighter my way. My first words were, "shit I can never work a lighter." I was really embarrassed when I had to pause and ask my crush to spark the bowl for me. He teased me about it for ages after. This was repeated for about an hour or so.

I didn't really get stoned that night, honestly I didn't feel it at all until like the 6th time I smoked. But man, Christian was pretty stoned. I remember that night so well. After we smoked, we walked into his backyard and sat on a bench swing, all squished up next to eachother. I'm still not sure if he meant to, but I definitely recall him twiddling with my fingers as we talked. I remember having shivers to the max because of it. I tried to reciprocate what he was doing, in hopes that he'd hold my hand but he never did, not that night anyways.

That night, we fell asleep, back to back, in what is now referred to as the hot-box room and we woke up to his friends opening and closing the door, throwing shit inside of the little room and laughing. That's really about it. Not gonna lie, this story was quickly thrown together just so you guys had a bit of an idea of how my attraction to him hit a huge checkpoint in changing my life, you guys need to hear it before I tell you some crazy shit because this was the night that I realized that I REALLY liked this boy.