1-800 Hotline

[TWELVE]

Third Person's P.O.V

1 week later. 

The conversations hadn't continued, but they certainly hadn't stopped either. Every time Mackenzie rang the Hotline she stayed silent and just listened to their words. Whomever it was. She heard the same deep, rough, voice 3 times though. Johnny. He was something...special. 

Mackenzie had followed up constantly with the news following Brandon and Brynn the upcoming days. It was hard doing so. But it wasn't like she really had anything left to do.

Just a little more longer. A little more longer until she'll be gone. Long, long gone. What an excitement that was.

Johnny was a wreck. His best friend's death anniversary was today. He hates this. He should've done more. He takes this day off from work every year. He uses it to reflect on everything that has happened this past year. He always drives over to his grave and sit there with him and just talk. With no response back he continues talking and he eats with his best friend. 

"Hey, man," Johnny replied as he sat on the ground after quickly brushing off the dirt. 

"It's been too long, I hate this. How are you-" He cuts himself off as he realizes how stupid of a a questions that was. 

"Sorry, that was stupid. Uh, I guess I'll just give you my yearly updates. Work is work. There's this girl that's been calling lately, I saved her number cause it just seemed appropriate to. Not that it'll mean anything. I think family's okay. I haven't checked up much. I know, I know, you'd tell me to stop being an asshole and to check up on them. That family is always the most important. I've just been very preoccupied. I, that's a lie, I know, I'm sorry." Johnny sighed as he looked around. Never as a kid would he think he'd have yearly days spent like this. 

After a couple of minutes of silence, Johnny finally spoke up again. 

"It's crazy to me...life wasn't supposed to be like this. We had plans, man! We had so many freaking plans. We had plans." He repeated over and over again until the sobbing begun. The whirlwind of emotions flowered out of him. He begun to cower himself as a way to protect himself from his emotions, from his reactions. 

Enough is enough, he had decided. He got up from his position and started sniffling as he wiped his face. He walked toward his car after whispering 'I love you' to his brother. 

Mackenzie found her days to be excruciatingly long and tiresome. Days were spent in bed with the exception of using the bathroom-even that was difficult and not done always. The endless cycle being her life was enough for her to want to end it all, and the newsflash of events this past while made her want to end it quicker. 

She wanted someone to love her. Her. Her. The night she decides to do it will finally be the night she can say no one wanted her. 

They took her happiness, her heart, her everything. They tried and they tried and they succeeded. The whispers on the street as to where Mackenzie Ziegler disappeared didn't do anything, they were like songs that have no meaning to them, no purpose. A waster of time. 

She wants the night to bury her, bury her wholly. And as one new life is born, her life will be the one to leave. 

She stared up at the wall. She stopped asking herself why. She stopped crying discerning herself to the why's and the what did I do's and to the what happened and was it me? 

And her bones rottened cold, lying awake, as a ghost. No crying, she forced herself. But, it always broke. This time it wouldn't. 

Her love, was not to be taken for granted anymore, her love was weak. SHE was weak. SHE is weak. 

"Did you run away?" so many question. so many freaking questions I want to stop. 

I want this all to stop. 

Everyone leave me alone. 

She hit her head, one after the other the hits to herself just kept on coming, she couldn't stopped. It was as if she was compelled to do so. Compelled to smack herself until everything was red and blotchy. Until she was hurt. She deserved the pain. She deserved to bleed. She deserved to cry, even if she didn't want to break that way, that is all she deserves. She doesn't deserve anything good. 

"Stop," she cried trying to pause all the commotion in her head. The talking. The whispering. The hollowness. Her puffed up cheeks struggled keeping back the wails of her pain. She needs to bleed. So she grabbed the knife and she bled. 

She broke. 

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Hi. I hope you're all doing okay! I know this was a very emotional chapter. I needed a sense of realism, a sense of hurt. Not everyone can control themselves, this runs deeper than her fiance cheating on her. This runs to the pit of her stomach, this follows all the organs in her body, all the vessels telling her to just end it, her brain sending the worst type of mixed signals. This book was marked mature and sensitive from the start, please don't read if it gets too much for you. I don't intend to trigger anything. I realize now, that I may end up steering this book away from its original plot. I feel like I've got a good idea running through. I'm sorry for it taking so long to publish, I just needed my emotions to correlate well with Mackenzie's so that the emotions wouldn't have been felt heartless, rather it felt inside. 

Thank you for reading. I love you all! Take care of yourselves, loves!

-Zoey. 

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