I got this smile. I skip and play like a kid. I'm always happy. People think I'm
optimistic, talented and smart. I am religious. I have many friends.
Do I look like that? Do I really look like that? Do I? I hope you're convinced by
this synthetic, this fake smile of mine. Most people envy how perfect my life is. How I
don't have problems and how I seemed to be fine with everything. But am I?
I always smile and agree to every request. To be fine with everything my so-called
friends wanted. Do they know that all they're seeing is fake?
A mask of fake happiness and glee. That the only reason is, I cannot say no.
Have they thought of my feelings? Are they even my friends?
That every time I see them, I have this smile that no one ever dared to disbelieve.
This sense of optimism everyone envies? It's all superficial. In fact all I think of
is sadness, despair, hate and often I just want to bow down on my knees and just give up.
I just can't go on anymore. Does anyone know that?
Once I told my mom to cut the afternoon church club meetings. Guess what she blabbed?
NO God will be disappointed to you, she said.
I wanted to reply "Well if you put it that way" or "Sure make me feel guilty. Do I have no choice?"
but all I can do is agree and pretend I didn't ask anything.
The saddest part is
with all the masks, my disguises, my covers... all the lies...
Everyone... Everyone seems to believe.
No one knows how gloom, how depressed... unhappy I am.
No one, none of you people. None of you dared to doubt.
I don't' know... I-if I still know who I am beneath. Is it even there? I don't know.
