Larry Short Stories

2. Harry's Letter

My Space:
Hi everyone, since a lot of you asked me to write Harry's answer to Louis' letter (the one in the first chapter) I did :)
I hope you'll like it, please let me know what you think.

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Dear Louis, 

Do you ever feel like giving up? Because sometimes I do. Sometimes the feelings are too much to take and all I wanna do is shut them down. 

Sometimes the pressure that I constantly feel on my heart is too strong to take, it's like there's stone pressed against my lungs that doesn't let me breathe properly. Yeah, because sometimes I miss you so much that even breathing becomes difficult. It's in those moments that I wanna give up, give up on you, give up on us. I wish I could be able to forget you. To forget the taste of your lips on mine, to forget the sweetness of your tongue , the way you whispered to my ear the most beautiful and silly things, the way you always tried to make me laugh, the way you smiled looking at me straight in the eyes before saying I was beautiful. But then I realize that without all the memories I have with you I wouldn't be the same person I am now and I'm not sure I would like a Harry that has never met you. 

Loving you was beautiful, it made me feel alive, it made me feel strong, wild. I felt like I could leave everyone and everything as long as I was with you.

You know, I never understood the meaning of the sentence “love is only for the brave”, I always thought that love was in everything and I thought that falling in love with something and someone was so easy, it is something that you don’t decide, it just happen, without you can do nothing for stop it, like the waves of the sea that can't stop collide on the rocks and embrace for a very short moment that seems to be an eternity. 

Only now I think I have finally understood the real meaning of this sentence. You have to be brave for loving someone because when you fall in love with someone you give them all of yourself. You share your deepest secrets, your experiences, your fears, your past and your future. You open your soul, your heart, your mind, your body, everything to the other. When I gave you myself I was brave without knowing. 

Now I feel a void in my chest and it’s painful, an open wound that can’t stop bleeding, I can’t make myself stop falling for you, I can’t make myself stop missing you, but at least I can try. I know that you are the only one who could fill the void in my chest, you are the only one who could soothe the fire that is eating me alive from inside, the only one who could save me from myself. But I don’t want you to. I’m not brave anymore Louis, I’m just scared. Scared to be hurt again, scared that I will never be able to love myself without you, scared that I will be nothing more than a whispering in the wind without you.
We are like two magnets which have been searching the other all the time from the day we were born. Two magnets that when found eachother half were finally complete, finally my heart stopped screaming, every sound shut up when I met you, a vertigo crossed me making me feel the fall, the deep fall I saw in your eyes, in your soul. Suddenly the mess in my head wasn’t important anymore. When I was with you, it didn’t matter if I was messed up, only you mattered.
Now, when I think of you, I feel something different inside of me, something that is cutting me apart, a scissor that is opening my insides and it’s making me bleed more and more and now I’m torn apart.
It's like my heart popped out of my chest leaving me without nothing but emptiness.

When I read your letter a week ago you know what my first thought was? It was run. Run ,go find him, your other part, your soulmate, don’t let him go. I didn't let myself think for a moment, I just took my coat and I started to run without knowing where my feet were leading me. I just knew I needed to see you, to stay with you for one more time, just one more minute. But then the thought that if I’d seen you I wouldn’t have been able to let you go anymore hit me, loud and clear. It seemed so simple, I just needed to stop my feet, to turn around and come back home.
But I couldn't, I let myself fall against the wall, in the middle of the street and I cried. It was the first time I let myself cry after I saw you with that girl that was kissing you a month ago. Loud sobs came out shaking my whole body, I was so grateful that no one was around to see me like that, broken.
In that moment I understood what I had to do and the thought made me sob even louder. I needed to let you go, even if every part of me was painfully screaming “don’t”. I needed to do that for myself and for us. I needed to let you go now if I wanted to be able to find you again one day. And God, I wanted to. I wanted to find again the Louis I met when I was ten years old, the Louis that made me feel safe and warm, the Louis who his thought made me smile like a perfect fool, I needed to find that Louis, not the Louis at who I was thinking now, not the Louis who his thought made me feel broken in thousand of pieces. I needed to let this Louis go to find the Louis I fell in love with again. 

We become like fire that meets gasoline, we burn everything, consuming each other's soul, feeding ourselves with the existence of the other, and that doesn't feel right anymore.
We are broken and when something breaks up, you need to fix the single pieces before being able to put them all together again. That's what we need to do if we don't wanna become even more messed up than how we are now.
We need to discover ourselves again, we need to learn to live and to fail as singles before existing as a couple. I love you Louis, I love you so much that it hurts and it shouldn't hurt that much loving you, but I do, love you, I can't and don't want stop loving you, I love you so much that nothing will ever change this.
Here, now I promise that I will find you again, my soulmate. Not because I need you but because I want you in my life, because I want you to wake up next to me everyday, because I want to see you growing day by day and becoming even more wonderful, because I want you to get older with me.

We just need some time to recover, to fix ourselves, to re-discover who we are and what we want. 

Don't think that this is easy for me to say, because it's not, all I want now is the feeling of being held in your arms and being overwhelmed by your perfume.
Just so you know, while I'm writing this with tears in my eyes, I'm wearing the sweater you left in my car the last day I saw you (it still has a bit of your perfume, sweet and spiced like woods during summer) and I'm listening to our song over and over. This isn't easy for me, it's actually the most difficult choice I ever made. But I am sure about this as I was a few times in my life. I know this is for the best, not only for me but also for you, my dear, sunshine of my life. Yeah, because my life without you is like a sky without the sun, big and gray clouds covering it, but no matter what I know the sun soon will shine again. I know we will find ourselves again because we are destinate to be together, to be Harry and Louis.

And I swear this isn't a good bye my love. 

Always been and always will be yours, 

Harry. 

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My Space :
Hii, so let me know your thoughts about this please. Give me a feedback because this is what makes me want to write more and more.
I really hope you liked it, you wanted a good ending and I gave you a sort of, this wasn't meant to finish good but I'm not a fan of sad endings.
Thank you so much if you read that, this means a lot, love u all
-N