A MYRAID OF HUES

They told me it was a disease ,A disease with a cure. The cure was faith .They told me god created male and female nothing in between. Anything in between was my imagination. I was just a stupid kid making up things in my head.

Therapy, counselling, prayers, blessings, theological sessions, nothing made me change the way I feel. Each day after my coming out, the cursing in the house increased. My dad got drunk and shouted to the lord about what wrongs he done  in this life to have a child like me .My mom immersed herself in prayer for her misguided child. My brother remained mute and watched. And I,......I shut myself thinking there was something wrong with me. Each hidden corner and forgotten closet became my refuge. Sometimes I felt like the walls were looking at me and accusing me for causing so much pain to the ones close to me .Was there something wrong with me? I raged the battle within me. A battle with me on both sides. But nothing made me forget or wash of my identity.

The night was as usual, the cursing and praying continued. I was getting used to this .I sat in the corner, my head bowed cursing my existence .I neither accepted my identity nor my existence. I wish the person in the clouds would have me created in some other family or maybe in some other world. But I knew I could neither change my identity nor my existence .They were a part of me. 

Slowly it came to me... it was not curses the or the prayers that made me question my existence or identity, but  the lack of self acceptance .I understood me accepting myself was important .Acceptance came as strands of light to the darkest corner of a closed room.

I was who I was .

Cause it was nothing to change. To change my identity was to change myself. And I had nothing to change. If god could create male and female ,Then god could create anything in between and beyond . I liked people of the same gender as me. So what? What was there to hate about that .

I spread love not hate. Loving and accepting myself was the beginning and I knew the rest would follow. Sometimes, Self acceptance is more important as societal acceptance.

I wasn't one strand of the rainbow .I was the rainbow, the whole myriad of hues ..that was me.

Happy pride month everyone...🌈