sᴛᴀʀɢᴀᴢɪɴɢ | ᴛᴀɴᴊɪʀᴏ ᴋᴀᴍᴀᴅᴏ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕤𝕖𝕥𝕤, 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕤, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕣𝕠𝕠𝕗𝕥𝕠𝕡𝕤 | 夕日、星、そして屋上

TW: Eating Disorder and mentions of Suicide 

It had been nearly two weeks since the final selection and I had gotten my sword by now. It was a basic blue, similar to my brothers. Which made sense since I use water breathing.

Giyuu was on a mission right now and wouldn't be home for a few days. I was really happy about this because it meant that I didn't have to hide about my eating disorder.

 I had been getting slimmer and I was happy about it.

 I knew this was dangerous but I couldn't help but love the satisfaction I had been getting from seeing myself in the mirror lately. I tend to eat more and let it stay in my stomach when I have to go on a mission or train so I don't pass out or get more tired than I should.

 Then Giyuu and others would get suspicious and my secret would eventually get out. I know it will eventually. That's just the way things like this work but for the time being, I know I can keep it a secret.

I had basically nothing to do and I didn't want to bother Shinobu or Rengoku with my boring life. Plus, they had stuff to do and were probably busy. 

I had cleaned the house, read seven books, sang like fifty songs, and I had built about ten fairy houses outside. ( I don't know if I'm the only one who does this but I like to build fairy houses outside when I'm bored or have nothing to do lol) 

It was practically a fairy village now. I sighed as I currently sat on my head after attempting to do a hand stand but had failed miserably. I got up and looked around looking for anything that could possibly entertain me. It had gotten fairly late since I last checked the time or looked outside. 

It was now around 5:00 P.M. and then sun was going to start to set soon. I then got an idea and ran to my room. 

                                                         ⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

I grabbed my guitar and head out to an open meadow where no one else was. It was nearly sunset and I was trying to get there before It started.

 I sat down a blanket I had brought with me gently on the grass. I sat down and closed my eyes while I gently untied my hair.

I felt it fall and flow out onto my shoulders as I felt the soft breeze, letting my (H/c) hair flowing with it. 

I fluttered  my eyes open and took my guitar out and began to lightly play a sweet lullaby my mother used to sing to me, Giyuu, and our late older sister when we were little. I softly sang along with the music, my voice delicate and soft. 

With my fingers lightly brushing across the strings of my guitar. I closed my eyes and imagined them all here.

 I finished playing and opened my eyes to see the sunset. It was mesmerizing, There was a gorgeous tangerine orange, a bright  pink, and soft purple. 

There was a soft breeze that made my hair flow. It felt like a perfect scene from one of the books I had read. But the girl was with the one she had fallen madly in love with. I hope that one day I would meet the one I would fall madly in love with.

I had always read about love but never experienced it myself. I wonder what it feels like, the moment you fall in love. Love, It must be the happiest and thrilling thing one could ever go through. I let my mind wonder and just enjoyed the sunset before It got late and I had to go inside before the demons came out.

I opened the door to my house and put my guitar back into my room. I was hungry but ignored the feeling. I had spent at least an hour and a half outside and I felt refreshed and happy.

 I didn't want to let go of the feeling but I knew that the demons would be out soon and I wasn't in the mood to fight right now.

I ate half of an apple to shut my stomach up and stop it from making so much noise. I had learned a trick. If I just cleared my throat, coughed, or swallowed when my stomach was about to grumble, it would either stop or you couldn't hear it. 

I had to do that so people wouldn't get suspicious about me not eating enough or whatever. Sometimes it was hard work, as weird as that seems.

 It really is sometimes though. You are probably thinking that I should just stop throwing up or just eat something, but it's not easy. Eating disorders are like a drug. Once you get hooked up on them you can't stop. 

It's like an addiction and I just can't stop. 

Giyuu would be home tomorrow and I only had to bear about a few more hours of being alone. 

The stars were especially beautiful that night and I decided I would not miss the opportunity to stargaze. I put a jacket on and then went outside. 

there was a little box pushed up against the side of the house. I climbed up onto it and then sat on the roof looking up at the stars. I was able to spot a few constellations.

 The same breeze from earlier was still there but a bit colder than earlier. It was still pleasant and peaceful though. I closed my eyes and imagined a world wear I had the perfect body, and I didn't rely on the pain cutting gave me, And my family was all here together.

 Me, Giyuu, our sister, and mom. I suddenly felt my cheeks getting a bit damp. I lifted my cold hand to wipe my tears away. I thought about what would happen if I jumped of the roof. It would be a deadly fall for sure.

If I did then all my pain would leave my body and I wouldn't have to feel so numb anymore. it seemed like a wonderful escape from all the pain. 

But then I began to think of Giyuu and everyone else who would miss me. I didn't want to cause them pain. 

I decided to go back inside before I did anything stupid. I gently climbed down making sure I didn't fall, but I still managed to fall and trip on my face. "Ow!" I yelled as I flopped onto the ground. I got up and head inside.

I got inside and looked around for something to do the feeling of boredom coming back quickly. I decided to take one of my favorite books out.

 I've read it like a million times but I never get sick of it. I sat down with blankets wrapped around me and I nestled up onto the couch as I began to reread my book for another time. I sat there reading the rest of the night until I fell asleep on the couch.

Okay and that's all! I hope this was entertaining! Thank you so much for reading!

( 1209 𝒲𝓇𝑜𝒹𝓈)