I can't even think about my ex without feeling like why I got used was my fault. I can't even look at a picture of us when we were together without getting so mad at myself because I loved him. He hurt me so God damn bad that it isn't even funny. He destroyed my self esteem and the way I look at others who love me; because I feel like I'm unlovable. He took the life out of me like it was nothing. I wanted everything with him; because I was in love with him. But now I see how wrong it was because I lost so many people i loved over this guy and I am finally starting to get them back. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel fucking stupid for letting him control me like that; because if I would have grown some balls and stood up for myself sooner I would have been fine. I would have been able to love myself enough to know when I needed to let go. But I didn't give up on him and kept letting him hurt me. And I didn't put an end to it until I moved into a treatment facility and realized that I deserved better. But fuck it stung when I looked at his Facebook and he had nothing but bad things to say about me and he played the victim. It made me so goddamn mad that he never told the truth. Never told me how it actually was. But you see that's the thing with toxic people they never know when they have said enough the never know when to quit talking shit about someone; but if they kill themselves then it's all "I loved them and I wish I was better to them than I was" or "They were my best friend" they never apologize. They just blame someone else for the mistakes they made. And honestly it's sad; because they never took into account the people they were hurting. But hey you know what? I'm stronger for what has happened to me. Yes I already know that no one should have to go through that shit but you can't control what others do.
