It's Not The Same Without Salt

Have fun without me.

"Hey Salty Salt! Wanna go to the pool together and catch some rays?" I raise my eyebrow at her but she isn't even listening to me.
"Oh sorry, what was that Pepper? I was texting Oj. Turns out he has enough free time today to shop with me! Could you stay here for me? pretty please?"
Ugh. I'm fed up with her and Oj. Ever since they started dating I can never spend any time with Salty Salt.
"Nevermind Salt, go have your day with Oj."
"Thank you Pepper! Omg you're like... So sweet! I'll make sure to look for some new sunglasses to tan with while I'm there darling!"
"Yeah okay Salty Salt, no need to worry about me while you're out with Oj! Go have fun!" She looks surprised that I actually let her go alone this time, and even though it pains me to say all of this to her, I have to accept she has her own life. Even if she chooses to spend it without me.
"Hey Salt! Are you ready?"
"Coming Oj!"
She gives me a peck on the cheek and leaves. I stare Oj down like I'm about to smash him onto the pavement, speaking of killing Oj I almost did when I heard the news they started dating a week ago. Salt was so happy, she basically came to me screaming and crying about it. She did not shut up about it for about two days. It was nonstop Oj talk, future plans together, and even talking about getting married to him.
If there was a word for absolutely wanting to murder Oj on the spot I would've probably used it. I tried throwing him out of his and Papers shared room window on the top floor while he was asleep but Paper woke up and screamed at me to stop. I had to set him down and run away before he knew it was me.
Multiple murder attempts were made but none were successful, luck was not on my side. Maybe Salt will just like, realize that I like her and ditch Oj, but I doubt it'll happen.
Tissues has been my friend throughout all of this, not because I wanted to (he's super gross) but because he's a literal tissue box and I have to go to him to get tissues when I'm crying about it.
Sometimes he tells me "if it wasn't for my condishawn then I would give Salt a peice of my mind for making you third wheel like thaaaaaaAAACHOOO" that's nice of tissues to say but honestly I wouldnt let him near my Salty Salt. Both because I would get extremely jealous and Salt would probably scream if he stepped one foot near her.
I've tried to third wheel almost everything Salt and Oj did. If Salt and Oj sat on the couch together you bet that I was in the middle of them, if they were hugging I turned it into a group hug and even when they talked just one on one I would interject until Salt came to me to talk about it. She was saying things like "you're being like, super clingy Pepper and I'm gonna need you to stop" and instead of arguing with her I just said "okay Salt." And walked away. Seriously? How complying to Salt am I? Yesterday morning I talked to Paintbrush about it because we were in the kitchen at the same time and I needed to talk to literally anyone who would listen about my struggles and they told me that I should just accept that she's going out with Oj and try to give them space. So now I'm doing that. Letting her and Oj go out. Alone. This was a terrible idea.