I tried. I tried SO hard. I was weak. Worthless. Used. I could help but to give into the painful, strong urge, command to surrender. But I'm now nothing and have no one. Except him. Well he's always there. He's always made the bad choices. Always made me the villain. But he always was there and maybe even cared. The others didn't. They didn't help. Didn't notice that I wasn't really 'me'. My friends and family didn't realise which proves to me that they never cared. Only who I thought was my enemy sort of realised. But they couldn't save me. No one can...
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"Just say you hate me!" He screamed. He's never been angry at me like this, I've always made him laugh. "You betraying son of a bitch say it!" George yells louder. I don't like the yelling. It reminds me the voice within. "I-i don't hate you! We're best friends! I'm protecting you!" I stammer. We are, well were. He just didn't see my reasons
TᕼᗴY ᑎᗴᐯᗴᖇ ᗪO, ᗪO TᕼᗴY?
Shut up
ᒍᑌᔕT ᔕᗩYIᑎᘜᘜᘜ
I sigh, whilst george, sapnap and quackity continue to shout and stay angry at me, "we thought we were your FRIENDS dream, now we know you just want to fucking use us" sapnap shouts angrily. I feel my eyes start to fill with tears. They never knew. The fell for his illusions. "N-no you don't understand! J-just p-please listen to me!" I say tears now pouring down my cheeks but my mask conceals them. It always has hidden my emotions. "We are DONE listening to your lies! Just leave the SMP you are the reason it's all gone to shit!" Sapnap yells, "yeah it'll be better for everyone if you just disappeared, you've caused enough trouble and pain towards everyone" George says. I start to shake and have to ball my hands into fists to try stop it. "B-but guys-" "you heard them bitch! LEAVE" quackity shouts pulling out his sword. I stumble backwards and start to run. I don't bother looking back. My legs scream in pain the further I go into the woods. Tears blur my vision as branches whip at my skin leaving long red lines across parts of my face and hands.
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Cold. Hunger. Sadness. YOᑌᖇ ᗩᒪᒪ ᗩᒪOᑎᗴ ᑎOᗯ, I TOᒪᗪ YOᑌ TO TᖇᑌᔕT ᗰᗴ ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎOᗯ ᒪOOK ᗩT YOᑌᖇᔕᗴᒪᖴ. ᗩᒪOᑎᗴ. ᖴOᖇᗴᐯᗴᖇ. I ᗩᗰ YOᑌᖇ OᑎᒪY ᖴᖇIᗴᑎᗪ ᑎOᗯ. I shake my head. Trying to drown out the voice even though I know it wouldn't work. I've been walking for two weeks. Or I think two weeks. I've been living off of the wildlife around and have had to drink from the lakes and ponds I've past. I don't know where I am. I think I'm far away from the smp now. I've been overwhelmed by my own thoughts. Monster. Monster. MONSTER. I strike the tree I'm passing with my fist. It hurts but it's the only thing I've felt since the argument. I've made everything bad. I've ruined everything. I've hurt everyone. Deep down I know it wasn't really me, it was all really him but that feeling is too small and drowned out by my own self pity and disgust to hear it. I'm passing a large lake in in the mountains, I'm scared of heights but the adrenaline makes me feel alive. I'm drawn to the edge. I peer over the side and down at the frozen over ocean below. Jump. It's tempting. They wouldn't know or care. I'd be gone. He'd be gone. I step forward. ᗪOᑎT YOᑌ ᗪᗩᖇᗴ. ᗪᖇᗴᗩᗰ IT ᗯOᑎT ᗪO ᗩᑎYTᕼIᑎᘜ. I step closer and grit my teeth at how high up I am. ᔕTᗴᑭ ᗩᗯᗩY ᑎOᗯ! I feel him start to take over my legs, forcing them back. I can't let him take me over again. I try to force my legs forward. YOᑌ ᑕᗩᑎT ᗯIᑎ. Iᗰ TOO ᔕTᖇOᑎᘜ, YOᑌ ᗩᖇᗴ ᗯᗴᗩK. No I'm not. I have a sudden surge of energy and strength so launch myself forward. ᑎOOOOOO! My arm suddenly shoots up and clings onto the cliff edge. YOᑌᖇ ᑎOT ᗯIᑎᑎIᑎᘜ TᕼᗩT ᗴᗩᔕIᒪY. Slowly I grab a rock that is loose on the cliff face. Wincing ready for impact, I slam the rock into my hand. I shout a little in pain, but it does the trick. I'm falling. ᑎOOOO! YOᑌ IᑎᗷᗴᑕIᒪᗴ! I smile sadly as I start to drain out the wails and yells from the voice and start falling. Down. Down. Down. I hit the ice and everything goes black.
