That Someone

To that someone

To be honest... 

I'm not ready to leave. 

I'm not ready to leave someone who knows about my trauma. 

I'm not ready to leave someone who comforts me during my panic attacks. 

I'm not ready to leave someone who hugs me when I'm screaming. 

Not Yet, 

But yet, 

deep down I know that this someone, as he is right now, is not right for me. 

I know that this someone has caused me pain, is the reason for my trauma, is the reason for my panic attacks and overwhelming screams. 

I know that this someone fails to love me the way that I need to be loved. 

This someone has made me feel things that I have never felt before. 

I have been in the depths of sadness by this someone, 

I have sacrificed my values for this someone, 

I have experienced heartbreak caused by this someone's own hands...

Yet, I stayed. 

I stayed because of the youthful memories we have adventured together, 

I stayed because that someone was there to rebuild what has been broken, 

I stayed because that someone, that someone -

has broken me, 

to the point that I feel unwanted by anyone else...

And even though that someone has promised a change, a future, my stolen happiness, 

my shattered heart cannot beat itself and feel the true love it has felt one day. 

to be honest...

I am choosing to stay,

I am choosing to stay because I live with the 'maybe's 

The maybe that after seeing this agony, 

after seeing me broken, 

after seeing me fall apart, 

he will grow into the man I can heal with.