Abyss

Attraction at First Sight.

"Don't name it love, it is just an attraction."
"Oh you liar heart!"

"Dr. Mihir. Doshi. Did you hear me clear? He's patient of?? C'mon fill up the blank!" He shouted yet again and the whole hospital pitied the ward boy. But no one interfered because firstly, they know, he surely has made some grave mistake that Dr Mihir is punishing him. Secondly, no can ever utter a word in front of Dr Mihir.

"Sir..sorry sir!" The ward boy pleaded to deaf ears.

"Learn to respect the authorities!" City's top neurosurgeon Mihir Doshi mellowed to everyone's surprise though what came next was a total shocker. "I said fill up the blank..!" He clutched his hand in a rough grip and twisted the same.

"Dr..Mihir Doshi...!" The ward boy winced in pain and finally got his release.
"Don't you dare mess with my patients for pity notes - you call money. Le jaiye sir isko." Mihir called the police inside and handed over the ward boy to them. Mihir had found him stealing blood from the hospital, red handed.

"Sir thanks for handling him over to us. He will be jailed."

"Anytime. Today he tried to toy around a patient's life, because someone probably bribed him." Mihir told as a matter of fact.

"Don't you worry doctor! He will be summoned for every single crime he had committed! Well we have a news for you too!" The senior inspector handed over an envelope to Mihir, and smiled sarcastically before leaving.

Mihir walked from the lobby to his cabin, pondering and thinking, which he has been doing for last two years. After what he did with his beloved, he doesn't trust himself. Once a feral, has now become a prey because of his own grave mistakes. Horrendous is the word.

Though a part of him has successfully moved on from her but his sins don't let him breathe peacefully. They are a constant reminder that he was her culprit and will always be. Mihir often thinks, that why did he do all of that too her? Why? Was it for the sake of his love for her? Was it for her pretty face? He mocks himself daily for he, perhaps, never saw anything beyond her beauty. She was her obsession, a dig on his ego. Mihir thinks that he can't be forgiven.

However it doesn't matter now. What matters, is the big baggage of questions he has to carry with himself. Which probably has no answers.
Will he ever fall in love? Again? And if he will, will he be the same reckless, passionate, crazy, psycho lover he used to be? Has he changed?

"Dr Mihir is such a weirdo!" He overhears everyone saying similar things behind his back whenever he creates a scene in hospital. His intent hardly matters to the staff.
A simple mistake and he brings death to the one who made it. Mihir has always been like that - mad! He hasn't changed and maybe that's why he fears love. Dr Mihir fears second chances because he worries about his other side which gets  unraveled when in love.
"Love is life - but I take it away from the people I claim I love! I'm a poison..! How the fuck I forced her -" Mihir always grits his teath as his past reappears in front of his eyes every now and then. Therefore Mihir has been boycotting every soft feeling one can ever have. He can't handle the weight of more sins for there is already a lot to cry for. According to him, it isn't easy to change oneself and it's not only about what he does, how he handles it, in fact, it's about his overall personality. He is reckless, he's a crack head obstinate guy, for every thing he pursues be it his studies, his profession, his daily affairs - everything. And the worst part is Mihir hasn't changed. He still sees a monster inside him breathing. He never succeeded in putting a full stop on his demons. Hence he can't dare to fall in love again. This day shall never come in his life bec -
"- because that will be my D - day." Mihir uttered in front of the mirror, while punching the same with full force.
"or is it somewhere around?" His lips curved into a smile as he walked out of the washroom and stared at that envelope.