Lost

Maki was lost, lost in thoughts, was this how Mai felt when she left the clan years ago? Did she feel abandoned too? Did she forgive Maki for leaving her before she died?
Tones of questions troubled Maki's mind, as she walked out of the Zenin estate, with her twin's lifeless body laying on her left shoulder and her sword held tightly by her right hand. She never imagined this would happen, not like this at least. She never wanted to drag Mai into her issues with their family since her sister made it clear that she didn't want to rebel against them.
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"I'm thinking of leaving the clan" said Maki, which led Mai's fingers to stop in their track through the strands of her sister's green hair.
"What made you say this out of the blue like that?" she replied still trying to process what Maki had just said.
"I have the right to do so? Don't I?" Maki replied while trying to make her glasses' box spin on the top of her index finger and her thumb.
"You do but you'll just start unnecessary issues" said Mai looking down at her sister who was sitting, on the ground of their room, in front of her.
"I don't care"
"But why?"
"Isn't it obvious? We're treated like dogs, we have no control over our life and future since everything was decided for us from the day we were born. And I have better things I want to achieve than just doing chores and serving some alcoholic old men then being forced to marry someone I don't know or like"
Mai couldn't argue with what Maki said since she was right, they weren't free in that clan and they were always bullied and literally called their whole childhood for something they didn't have control over. Mai hated it but decided that it was how they were supposed to live and just accepted it. It was hard for sure, when she was younger, Mai would often cry about how people perceived her and her sister and Maki would try to comfort her just like she always does when Mai was sad or when she'd see curses. Mai was sure that living within that family would've been impossible without Maki by her side. Her sister was the only one who protected her from men who tried to approach her when she reached her teenage years, she even got into fights and either gets defeated and badly injured or scolded by their parents if she wins the fight.
Mai started braiding Maki's hair attempting to get rid of the thought of Maki leaving her alone with those scary people and curses around her.
"Don't braid it" said Maki in an annoyed tone.
"And what are you going to do if you leave?" asked Mai ignoring her sister's order. Maki stayed silent for a few seconds before saying;
"Will you leave too?" Maki responded still playing with the rectangular box on her hand.
"Don't answer me with a question that has nothing to do with what I asked" said Mai getting irritated by how her sister was acting and thinking at that moment.
Maki sighed then said "Answer me first, will you leave with me?"
"Maki, it's too risky to leave just like that, besides I don't know what I should do afterwards, it's not easy to afford a life, you know" she replied with a frustrated tone.
Maki lifted her head and turned her gaze slightly to her twin then suggested "You can join Jujutsu high" did she really think Mai got over her fear of curses?
Mai just laughed softly and replied "That's even more risky"
The older twin turned her attention back to the box in her hand and said "Well we have to get stronger if we want to face the outside world, you know"
"What are you going to do?" Mai asked, she was already feeling the fear of being left alone, should she just come out and tell Maki that she needs her by her side and remind her of the promise they made when they were younger? 'no, she'll say it was just a stupid kids promise' Mai thought before Maki pulled her back to reality when she asked "So it's a no?"
"What is?" said Mai.
"You don't want to leave" answered her sister.
"I just know I can't survive it and the same goes for you" to which Maki replies quietly "ok"
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"Why did you come here" Mai managed to say laying on the ground behind her father who'd just cut her badly "you idiot"

'Yes I'm an idiot for letting you go, for not getting strong enough to save you from the hell I left you in, for not getting there sooner before he cut you' Maki's grasp on the sword only tightened at the thought of the things she could've done to save her sister before it was too late. Guilt and anger filled her veins as she walked down the stairs that led her outside the Zenins' estate which now is filled with corpses.
"Mai!!"
Maki looked up to see Nishimya Momo running towards her to only stop dead in her tracks when she saw Maki's emotionless expression and Mai's motionless body.
Momo gripped hard on her broom and managed to let out with tears filling up her eyes "That's why I told you not to go"
Maki kept her stern face as she walked to Momo then gently placed her twin's body near her on the ground. Momo bent down on her knees and placed her friend's head on her lap and looked down to her face, she still had blood stains bellow her mouth but besides that she looked like she was sleeping peacefully, this sight only led Momo to let her tears fall down her cheeks.
Maki heard Momo's silent cries and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible "She's in your hands" she said before moving forward, or at least that's what she thought she was doing before Momo asked "What are you going to do now, Maki?"
Maki kept walking without turning back or answering Momo's question. What is she going to do now that her only motive isn't there anymore? What is she going to do now that there was no Zenin clan to bother her? What is she going to do now that she destroyed everything? Was there something else she had to destroy?
She was lost.
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Maki decided to meet up with Panda as she was supposed to. She tried to focus her thoughts on the culling game all along the way to Panda but every time the image of her little sister stops her train of thoughts.
"Destroy everything big sis"
'Did she really mean everything or was she referring only to the clan?'
Maki knew she broke their promise once and she didn't want to mess up a second time.
Once she saw Panda standing near a streetlight she tried once again to push those thoughts away and focus on her job.
Panda noticed her walking towards him and waved to her, as if she didn't see him already, he was slightly confused by why he didn't sense her cursed energy from afar, even though she lacked it he still always managed to feel it but before he made a remark about that he noticed something even more confusing.
"Where are the cursed tools?" he asked with a confused look on his face.
"They predicted our move and emptied the cursed warehouse" she answered nonchalantly as if that wasn't a problem.
"Where could they hide them" he said putting a paw under his chin.
"I don't know"
"Couldn't you get any information from your family?" he asked again but cautiously, knowing how his friend hates talking about her family, but he was surprised by how casually Maki replied "No, I couldn't"
"Maybe we should get someone they respect and trust to get us the information we need, but who is that someone?" he said with a thoughtful expression.
"That's no longer possible" Panda was confused by how fast Maki jumped into a conclusion, it's true that their principal goal is to free Gojo which is now considered a crime in the jujutsu world but they still had some allies.
"huh? What about that future head of the Kamo clan, Noritoshi is his name right?"
Maki let out a light chuckle before saying "No, talking to them is no longer possible" which made Panda's confusion grow even bigger "Why?"
"The principal members of the clan were murdered"
After hearing Maki's last answer Panda's face expressed pure surprise which turned into a realization face after a few seconds of processing what his friend just said. It could be that a curse or a curse user attacked them but most of the members were special grade 1 sorcerers, and how did Maki come out of it alive, sure she had a few bad injuries, which needed to be treated as soon as possible now that he noticed them. But still he didn't understand how such strong sorcerers could get defeated all at once in such little time, that curse or curse user must've been so strong or maybe there were a lot of them.
"Who attacked?" he asked.
"It's more like who did they attack first" she replied sharply and slightly irritated by the question. Seeing her face show just the slightest amount of irritation gave away the answer to Panda's question which he couldn't believe.
"Don't tell me you were behind this" he said still shocked by his assumption.
"Yea" she replied without showing one drip of anger or guilt.
"What happened? And... how?" as much as Panda knows how powerful Maki is and could be, but he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that she defeated a bunch of men who were so much more experienced than her and most of all had some crazy techniques.
"Mai took away the little amount of cursed energy I had and somehow without it my strength and physical abilties have gotten better than ever so I used that to kill my father since he was planning on killing Mai and I, and that lead the other members to fight me" she explained as if it was something so casual to talk about.
"And you just murdered everyone?" he said then answered himself "I see, but how did Mai do that?"
The thought of it breaks her, now, nonexistent heart "I don't know" she said wanting to end this conversation, but Panda didn't seem to get the hint as he asked "Well that's strange, and where did you get that sword from?" he just noticed the sword Maki was holding, it wasn't hers.
"Mai" she answered as she started walking to a bench that was near them, hoping Panda would be satisfied with her response.
As she sat down feeling the exhaustion from all the fights she'd been through this day, she was actually surprised she didn't faint already although she wished that happened now, just to forget what was happening to her life right now even if it was just for a few minutes she just wanted to rest and turn off all those disturbing thoughts she's been having. 'I deserve this, I shouldn't complain' she said to herself 'Mai suffered worse'
"Weird, I didn't think she'd be into swords since that's your thing" Panda said with a chuckle "although it's a regular one, should we search for some better cursed tools?"
"No this is more than enough" she replied looking down at the sword sitting on her lap. The light of a car that past by them made the silver metal of the blade shine and made Maki see her face filled with burns and cuts she no longer had the face that resembled Mai's. Before losing her twin she didn't mind her burns that much, as long as she didn't feel the pain she was fine with them, but now she wished to have her eye fixed and wished for her scars to disappear so that she could look like her former self, like Mai. But she can't Shoko already told her she couldn't do anything about the scars. As Maki drowned in her depressing thoughts again, Panda couldn't help but notice how his comrade's face expressed some kind of sadness that he couldn't figure out yet, he knew that killing her whole family wasn't something she could be okay with easily, although the way she talked about it earlier says otherwise since she looked like she didn't care at all, but even though he was a Panda he understood the importance of family, it's true that his family wasn't similar at all to hers but he thought that maybe even if they didn't treat her right she maybe still loved them or some of them. Or maybe there was more to what she told him and that's what was hurting her right now, Panda knew he could get screamed at or even punched in the face but he couldn't just stand there and let his friend face whatever it is that pains her alone, so he asked;
"You look weird, is there something bothering you Maki?"
To his surprise he didn't receive any of the reactions he expected instead Maki lifted her eyes up to his and he noticed that her usual golden gaze looked like it lost its light because of the tears that were forming in her eyes.
"Nah" she said quickly turning her gaze down to the ground.
"Come on what is it? You look like you're about to cry and you never cry what's wrong Maki?" he insisted, he never saw that look on Maki's face, in fact he never thought he would, after almost two years of knowing her, Maki was never the emotional type of person, she would get in bad moods from time to time but it only consisted of her getting irritated at any unnecessary comment he or Yutta and Toge would make but other than that she wasn't that expressive of a person she'd always be the calm yet impulsive sorcerer she was, and that's what made her and Panda to get along very fast since he didn't understand emotions because he's a Panda.
"You wouldn't get it since you're a Panda but I'm gonna be fine" she managed to sound reassuring but failed.
"I know that humans feel better when they let out their feelings, and since I won't get it maybe it'll be easier for you to say what pains you and I'll just listen" he tries again.
Maki take a deep breath then sighs and lets out "She died because of me and I don't know what to do now"
"Mai?!" he says then instantly regrets it.
"Yes Mai" she confirms and her voice breaks before pronouncing her twins name which made Panda feel his throat tighten as flashbacks of Yaga's body sitting on the road hits him "I get it" he says and feels his own eyes water.
Before his tears could fall out he pulls Maki into an unexpected hug, he feels her hand grip his fur instinctively before she lets go of it and lets her own tears make his fur wet. As his tears start falling down, he hears his friend silently sob into his chest, he rubs her dark green hair trying to comfort her and himself at the same time.
On a normal day Maki would beat up Panda if he hugged her but today she needed it, she thought she could move on from her loss just by letting out her anger on the people she killed but she realized that wasn't enough.
After few seconds Maki pulls away from her friend and picks up the sword that has fallen from her lap.
"What are you going to do about the murders you committed?" Panda asks.
"Until now only you know who the killer is, since I didn't leave any cursed energy residues at the scene" she answers.
They notice a car coming towards them and realize it was Akari, then she adds as she started walking to the car "Frankly, I don't care if people find out the truth"

Notes:

I'm bad at writing sad fanfics but I'm good at reading them :')
Sorry if I made some writing mistakes english isn't my native language, but don't hesitate to share your thoughts in the comments.

Stay safe and have a good day :)