WHEN I WAS 15 :: seungjin ✔︎

84

[ static ]

Is this thing on?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Hi.

Let me restart this more poetically.

[ static ]

Alright, so.

When I was fifteen, I met Seungmin.

In the bathroom. During a school drill. Looking back, it's very funny. He was panicking, and I was basically already crushing on him. It's as though my past self knew.

When I was sixteen, I asked Seungmin out.

And so I set off the best relationship I would ever have. I'd like to thank myself a million times for that. Thank you, Hyunjin. Thank you, Hyunjin. Thank you.

When I was seventeen, we were still together.

Figuring ourselves out and changing, we were still somehow a perfect match. Not once did I doubt us, not once did I regret my decision to ask him out (thank you, Hyunjin, again).

When I was 21, he dropped out of university to pursue a passion in photography.

And, man, was he talented. I still have every single photo he's shared with me, either framed and hung up on a wall or saved in a special folder on multiple devices and USB drives.

When I was twenty-six, we moved in together.

Once again, thank you, Hyunjin. Good decision-making. Living with Felix is nice and fun, but living with Seungmin was better. No offense, Felix. If you see this.

When I was twenty-eight, I proposed to Seungmin.

Thank you, Young Hyunjin, for making one of the best choices in your life. Thank you, Young Felix, for letting me do it at your restaurant. And thank you, Young Seungmin, for saying yes, and for marrying me when we were thirty-two. Thank you for the best day of my life.

When I was thirty-four, Seungmin and I adopted newborn twins, a boy and a girl.

Jungwon and Minseo, you two are incredible. I don't know what I would do without you guys, and I'm so proud to call you two my children. Thank you two for being yourselves, and for being such a joy to get to know and raise.

When I was thirty-five, we celebrated the twins' first birthdays.

Not that you two remember it, of course. But if people who would remember it are watching, hello! Thank you so much for coming and marking such a happy memory in my mind. Thank you for being great party guests and even greater friends.

When I was fifty-three, the twins graduated high school together.

I'm so, so, so amazed, even over thirty years later. You're my children. You're our children. How are you so big? It doesn't seem possible. And yet it is. I'm so proud of you guys.

When I was fifty-seven, Jungwon graduated from university, and Seungmin and I moved to a beach house.

If you've made it to my funeral, I can only assume you were there at some point. Or maybe a relative of yours was. Anyway—it was beautiful, almost as beautiful as Jungwon's achievement. And let's not even delve into Minseo still working hard at healthcare education for years more after that.

Did you guys know I used to think of Seungmin as my sunshine? I guess he's more starlight than sunshine now, but every morning I'd first be greeted by the real sun, then my own sun... and if Jungwon decided to send a 'good morning' text, then I'd also be greeted by my adopted son.

Ha.

That one was for you, Hyunjae. Old people can still be funny.

Anyway.

When I was sixty-four, I retired from my dance-teaching career, and my daughter had a beautiful baby boy.

See, Hyunjae, despite you making effort to insert a "You know what else is ugly?—Your face!" joke into every conversation, I still call you beautiful. Your parents did a good job with you. Wait, that sounds sort of weird. How do you re-record on this...?

[ static ]

When I was fifteen—

[ static ]

—crushing on him. It's almost as though—

[ static ]

—from university, and Seungmin and I moved to a beach—

[ static ]

So, it turns out that maybe I'm not the greatest with tech. Just ignore all that. I don't know if I broke this just now...

And right before the hard part, too.

Because...

Because when I was seventy-seven, I lost him.

And myself.

It's... it's...

I'm sorry.

[ static ]

When I was 81, I relocated again.

Thank you, Felix. Thank you so much. So, so, so much. Thank you to Minseo, to Hyunsoo, and to Hyunjae for letting me stay with you, too. I don't know what I would do without your help and support, especially that day, fifty years after my marriage.

Now—

Ah, again. Wait.

[ static ]

Okay, sorry.

Now I'm 84, and I feel myself going.

Slowly, yes, but surely.

I feel as though my life took off when I met Seungmin, but it's like a plane. It can't stay in the sky forever. I started descending when Seungmin... when he...

Wait.

[ static ]

So that's when I started descending. And now I can see the airport, and I'm almost about to land.

Which is why I'm recording this.

Thank you for coming to my funeral. Thank you for being my family and friends, and for letting me have the honor of being your family and friend. Thank you for supporting me and letting me support you. Thank you for everything.

Please don't miss me too much. I'm ready for this. I know you may not be, but please remember me fondly; don't dwell too much on my absence. Pretend I'm moving somewhere else. Throw me a bit going-away party after the funeral, but no peanuts, because Jungwon's allergic. You can have cake, but it has to be either carrot cake or ice cream cake. And please change outfits before you go. Wear something colorful. Enjoy yourselves as much as you can, for me.

Well, I'm off. Felix is going to be home soon. Attached to this will be short clips, labeled by whom they're for.

I love you guys. Thank you for being part of my life.

Now, how do I turn this thing off again...?

[ static ]