CORRUPTED

one

Ebony Aliza

entering my fairly sized condo i slammed my door shut. falling down on the couch i ran my hands over my face letting out a long, long frustrated groan.

it's been six months since i've been home and all i do is work and come home, to an empty lonely home. i'm the type of person that enjoys being alone... i thought.

i don't isolate myself by choice. im forced to by depression and a abusive controlling man.

and honestly, it's killing me. i need to get out of this house. make new friends or do something. keeping myself cooped up in this house is only making my depression worse.

work is already enough. i feel like im trying to hard to be an adult. which i am, but im still young. very young actually.

maybe my mother was right, maybe i am rushing myself.

but i have a gut feeling that i'll regret ever meeting new people if i do. and i don't have time for fuck ups.

chicago is a dangerous place. filled with dangerous people. even just being cordial with the wrong people can leave you in a body bag.

but im so sick of being my own prisoner. plus i miss the old me. and i think its time for a change.

" this the only fucking thing you can do is sit on yo ass all day huh." the deep voice spoke. rolling my eyes i continued to flick through channels on the tv, ignoring his presence.

i've been dealing with tyrone for seven years now. this nigga has broke me. took me through shit i never could've imagined. done had 3 babies on my and one on the way.

i know people look at me as dumb for still being with this nigga. it's not that i don't want to leave him alone but i can't.

he's so good at luring me back in after beating my ass and making me feel like shit. sometimes he doesn't even have to hit me. the things he says alone is enough to break me.

i continued to go back and forth with him. now arguing about the guy across the street that he swears to god i've been sleeping with when i've only spoken to the guy once.

" you're so delusional! nigga im fina start calling you lulu cause you DELUSIONAL! i don't want none of these niggas you accuse me of i don't even want yo black ass. and tell whatever that bitch name is you was out with last night stop playing on my fucking phone!"

" you don't want who ebony?! bitch yo mama delusional. ima street nigga man you can't play me i know wtf going on. you ain't nothing but a trick i should've left yo ass in the gutta where i found yo trifflen ass at." he shook his head.

" bitch yo old ass mama! you ain't no street nigga tyrone you just a pussy ass little boy who got imaginary beef with niggas who barley acknowledged yo existence. and hoe ass nigga you ain't find me in no gutta you found me on king street at my mama house and i was jusssst fine before i got with yo ass." i waved him off turning my attention back to the tv.

" so ima pussy ass little boy now?"

"beenat. you only put yo hands on females, lemme see you hit a nigga."

" and you broke too. thats sad."

" girl fuck you! you sad. you a sad ass bitch that can't keep no baby."

" AND WHY I CAN'T TYRONE? CAUSE OF YOU. KEEP YO FUCKIN HANDS OFF ME THEN I WON'T BE HAVING NO MISCARRIAGES NIGGA!"

at this point i was HOT. tears flooding my face. i was so hurt and shook by his words. but i wasn't surprised tho. tyrone always says the most hurtful or disrespectful stuff to me. anything to make me shed a tear.

" man whatever." he said pulling a pack of backwoods from his back pocket then making his way over to the couch.

he scooted down then spreading his legs a bit making himself comfortable before proceeding to break down his wood.

i can't believe this nigga just said all that shit to me and then felt the need to roll a blunt. with weed i bought.

" oh yea where my money at for that?" i raised an eyebrow pointing my long acrylic at the bag of weed.

" ima give you yo shit bra chill." he lied.

" nigga you broke so how? that's why i ended up buying it in the FIRST place cause you ain't got no money."

" quit fucking talking to me!" he looked up at me with a hard mug.

" ion care." i shrugged getting up going in my room.

i sat on the edge of my bed staring at myself in the mirror. i look so different. so worn out, stressed and depressed. tired.

i never thought i'd be stuck in situation like this. dealing with a guy like this. the mixed emotions don't make it any better. i wish i could just use an eraser and erase this part of my life.

" baby."

rolling my eyes i ignored tyrone and gathered my clothes from my drawer so i could shower and go to bed.

" aliza." he called for me again this time a little louder using my middle name.

i opened my room door meeting faces with him.

" damn tyrone what is it." i aggravatedly groaned pushing past him going into the bathroom. i started my shower water.

i stared at the figure behind me through the mirror as he watched me get undressed.

" how may i help you my nigg—who the fuck you talking to ebony." he angrily spat tightening his grip on my hair while his other hand squeezed my throat.

squeezing my eyes as i struggled to breathe i pleadingly tapped his hands hoping he'd let go but his grip only got tighter.

" bae." i chocked out feeling the urge to cry now.

" shutup bitch. bae who? oh now im bae huh... bitch i oughta kill you for playing with me."

" get yo ass in that shower." he pushed me towards the tub. i fell to the floor immediately vomiting still gasping for breath.

standing in the shower letting the how water droplets dance on my face. i found myself thinking. when am i going to get away from him?

when am i going to find someone better? the sex is good no lie. but sex is not the most important part. it's me.

it's me...