short xingyun angst fic

one

hi hey hello im back
im starting another book again im so sorry i havent updated my yantao angst fic DD:
i was just not having any ideas of how to continue it, might rewrite it as well :))
anways plz take this random xingyun angst fic that i decided to make instead of sleeping

!! i posted this on ao3 as well !!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/32410987

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chongyun watched from afar as his love, the love that would never be reciprocated in the way he wanted it to be, laughed as the girl beside him made horrible jokes. chongyun looked away and stared off into the sea in front of the harbor. it was a beautiful sight to behold.
he continued to stare off in the distance, slowly drifting into thought.

he knew xingqiu was never going to be his. the said boy has always so far away from him, so far away yet so close.
ah, it was only time where he'd be sent to marry a beautiful maiden. far more beautiful than him of course. he wondered what xingqiu thought of him; he wondered what made xingqiu want to be close to him?
did he feel the need to? was he that obvious of a loner? what was it? what made him want someone such as me?
chongyun was so deep in thought that he didn't realize his dear friend, xingqiu, was standing in front of him looking worried. his thoughts were cut off as he finally snapped out of it, smiling as he saw him.
though the smile slowly faded, seeing that his friend had brought a girl with him. the girl was pretty. very pretty, in fact, she looked ethereal.
"'yun! are you alright? you were spaced out." xingqiu asked worriedly, checking the latter's face for anything. "is your yang energy doing okay?" he asked worriedly again to which the lighter haired boy shook his head.
"i'm fine, 'qiu. just deep in thought." chongyun smiled, then turning to look to the girl beside his friend. "hello... miss." he was able to form a smile, the girl waved slightly. "xingqiu, i am afraid we must go. father and mother must be waiting for us to get back." she said, tugging onto xingqiu's sleeve. "ah, alright! see you later then, 'yun!" the darker haired boy then left with the other, leaving behind a spaced out chongyun once again.

he knew he shouldn't have even let his feelings bloom in the first place. he was just a friend to xingqiu after all, nothing more. the dear boy had just been nothing but a friend to him, right?

he should have never thought that sneaking out at dawn with xingqiu was something that made him think they were more than friends.
he was nothing more than someone xingqiu would call one of his many many friends.

he was so jealous of the girl, so jealous of the fact that she was able to hold his hand freely, jealous of the fact she was able to call xingqiu hers, jealous of the fact that she was with xingqiu.
the girl with xingqiu was very pretty, they were a good match. chongyun wonders if he could ever be that girl one day, but sometimes it'll just be some thought of chongyun.
he wondered if he could ever be someone like her to xingqiu but then again,
he will never be that girl, he will never be the one that could ever love xingqiu, he will never be anyone like her, he can never.

curse his feelings for the boy who made him feel this way, he knew he was never going to be the person xingqiu would love, yet he still longed for xingqiu to tell him he loves him, thought it only happened in his dreams; dreams that never became reality. he was hopeless.

after all, he was just a fool for chasing someone who's heart belonged to someone else.

[might continue, might not ;)]